RALEIGH, N.C. — Local guitar prodigy Demetri King began his grueling search for a metal vocalist to completely ruin and distract from the brilliant instrumentation…
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Fans of hardcore and nu-metal announced a peace agreement after finding common ground in their mutual love for seminal post-hardcore band Glassjaw,…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — The bottom half of a pair of Zildjian “Goon Rock” hi-hats owned by local drummer Felix Hevierre expressed a desire to have…
HOUSTON — Scientists at NASA monitoring the Perseverance Rover made a startling discovery today when it sent back photos of GWAR rehearsing on Mars, multiple…
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — Staff and audience members at the newly reopened Cherry Pit reported a puzzling stench that may be as serious a health risk…
NASHVILLE — Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson Brands, Inc. announced an incredibly weighty successor to its famous Les Paul guitar, monikered the More Paul, sources who…
CARVER, Mass. — Local metalhead Tyler Kearns admitted that the replica Viking sword he brought on his camping trip might look badass, but is terrible…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer internship offering practical application of…
SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins of the denim vest, moderately…
LAS VEGAS — Guitar Zone manager Ian Potts experienced a sudden onset of post-traumatic stress disorder caused by hearing a perfect cacophony of loud, amateur…
MIAMI — Famed guitar wizard Yngwie Malmsteen revealed that his biggest musical influence as a precocious axe shredder was none other than himself and absolutely…
MADISON, Wis. — 14-year-old nu metal fan and novice Boy Scout Calvin Nelson is reportedly only interested in learning about the slipknot, frustrated sources confirmed.…
GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Melodic death metal guitarist Jens Nyberg tried to use a Boss HM-2 pedal, infamous for its famous “chainsaw” guitar tone, to chop…
SEATTLE — Longtime Sunn O))) guitarist Stephen O’Malley stunned fans when he revealed the band’s name has had a glaring typo since their inception in…
SCOTCH PLAINS, N.J. — Local software engineer and Faith No More superfan Duane Morsman left his residence this morning wearing a Faith No More t-shirt…