The best thing about music, whether it be punk or metal or any genre of music that has been around long enough to establish strong…
GLENDALE, Ariz. — Tech death metal and former deathcore darlings Job for a Cowboy explained the sexual implications of their name once and for all,…
Every Ice Nine Kills Album Ranked Worst To Best
Let’s start this Ice Nine Kills studio album ranking list with an inquiry: How the hell did a former ska band, who eventually moonlit as…
Every Guns N’ Roses Album Ranked Worst To Best
You know you’re in a huge band when an iPhone autocorrects the spelling of your band name if it is unintentionally misspelled with an apostrophe…
TORONTO — Legendary Canadian heavy metal band Stone Hammer were completely transparent when addressing fans about their new record, saying that the material is definitely…
Every Havok Record Ranked Worst to Best
Ever wished that Slayer’s pathological need to play at cokehead speed was combined with the earworm serpentine riffing of Metallica? Then you’d like Havok. The…
Metal-Themed Spelling Bee Ends in First Round When Nobody Comes Close to Getting Sanguisugabogg Correct
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Organizers of a spelling bee primarily focused on metal band names were disappointed to see every participant eliminated in the first…
Every Pig Destroyer Album Ranked Worst to Best
It’s a waste of time trying to explain the appeal of grindcore to you—or anyone, for that matter. You get it or you don’t. You’re…
Five Finger Death Punch Signature Guitar Pedal Calls You “Woke Groomer Lib” if You Try to Turn Down Compression Level
LAS VEGAS – Patriot Sound Technologies unveiled their latest pedal collaboration with Five Finger Death Punch guitarist Zoltan Bathory, which accuses any user who tries…
Long Island has a lot going for it. It’s got a couple of beaches, bagels, and more emo bands per capita than anywhere else in…
15 Drain Songs That Should Replace the California State Anthem
If California is so progressive, why haven’t they updated their state song in nearly three-quarters of a century? The current anthem, “I Love You, California”…
Every Poison the Well Album Ranked Worst to Best
Serious question: when ranking the best hardcore bands of all time, does Poison the Well ever get brought up? Because they should at least be…
As Part of Our Court Ordered Community Service We Ranked The Best and Worst Metal Band From Every State
Every state thinks they have the best metal band around. They also think your state has the worst metal band ever. Are you gonna let…
World’s Biggest Dimmu Borgir Fan Hopes He’s Pronouncing it Right
ROSCOMMON, Mich. – Local bachelor and self-proclaimed world’s biggest Dimmu Borgir fan Eric Sandstrom still isn’t sure if he’s pronouncing the band’s name correctly, giggling…
Metalhead Asks Doctor If He Can Tune Tinnitus to D
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — Local metal enthusiast Griff Nilsson asked his doctor to adjust the persistent ringing in his ears to a pitch that was more…