Charles Bill
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April 25, 2026
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Leading musical anthropologists announced that they have discovered a previously uncontacted metal genre, confirmed sources. “I was…
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Steve Packosky
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March 9, 2026
The nineties were a great time as far as iconic rock tunes were concerned. We couldn’t turn on our radios…
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Steve Packosky
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February 16, 2026
World War I, or The Great War, was an unbelievably vast, global conflict that took place a little over a…
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Steve Packosky
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February 6, 2026
EUGENE, Ore. — Up-and-coming metal band Enrager found themselves considering whether they should completely fucking ruin their music by adding…
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Ben Friedman
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January 25, 2026
I've always believed stereotypes, whether positive or negative, are reductive and paint a picture of entire groups of people. Case…
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Steve Packosky
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January 24, 2026
CUPERTINO, Calif. — An AI-generated Metallica song titled “Am I Revenge Forgiven II?” sounded better than anything they’ve released over…
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Steve Packosky
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December 29, 2025
Alright, we can’t be blamed for this one. Would you be excited if you were assigned to conduct an interview…
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Dan Rice
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December 10, 2025
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Citing advancing mega-arthritis preventing him from “giving 100% every night,” Megadeth founder Dave Mustaine has announced he…
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Dan Rice
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December 1, 2025
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth continues to adamantly deny multiple claims that he thought Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All…
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Dan Kozuh
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November 28, 2025
DES MOINES, Iowa — Legendary Iowa metal band Slipknot confirmed Monday that it is being forced to relinquish three of…
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