LEXINGTON, KY. — Lily Jones, personal therapist to resident Alex Hirata, would like him to know that yes it’s okay to masturbate as a form…
SYDNEY — Iconic Australian rock band Divinyls ended decades of speculation when they finally confirmed that their hit song “I Touch Myself” is an ode…
The ‘70s are back, baby, and they’re right here in my 250-square-foot apartment. I’m reliving the debauchery of the decade by masturbating to completion, taking…
Every woman knows there’s nothing better than coming home after a long day of work, changing into lingerie, lighting a Yankee candle, and going to…
Good help is so very hard to find these days. Case in point: I received a strange email rife with misspellings and odd formatting. The…
In Green Day’s song “Longview,” singer Billy Joe Armstrong makes reference to masturbating until it loses its fun. We decided to try this out and,…
Look, I’m desperate and I don’t care how embarrassing this is anymore. This year I decided to participate in the No Nut November internet challenge.…
So I guess we’re not knocking anymore? Alright, so you caught me whacking it. You can stop freaking out. Let’s talk about this like adults.…
The journey I took to finally feeling happy when I’m completely alone started with a simple problem: whenever I was alone, I felt really horny…
It’s been 24 years since the life of Michael Hutchence, lead singer of Australian pop phenomenon INXS, was tragically cut short, allegedly by an incident…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local house sitter and frequent self gratifier David Baker is currently debating how long into his job he is expected to go…
DOYLESTOWN, Pa. — Local sous chef and frequent masturbater Kyle Myers would not pause his jerk-off session Monday when his cat, Mittens, crawled across his…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently divorced movie buff Darren Thorndike has not let his increasingly paranoid suspicion that his life is being secretly recorded and broadcast…
Hello gamers! By now you’ve probably read from a dozen different outlets that I have decided to step down as CEO of Amazon. All of…
I was having a typical Saturday evening home. Turned down the lights, locked the doors, put on the newest Sean Cody video, was ready to…