MONTREAL, Quebec — Regular viewers of the online pornography streaming company PornHub looked on with a strange mixture of horror and excitement as the company…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A stunning rendition of The Beatles’ 1965 hit “Yesterday” by busker Alan Wentzel was completely overshadowed by an unhoused man masturbating in…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Major companies are reportedly scrambling to come up with workplace perks that can rival masturbating freely in the comfort of their own…
You can’t deny that Green Day’s “Dookie” is a legendary album. Therefore, when we heard that frontman Billie Joe Armstrong had given a tell-all interview…
PHILADELPHIA — Frequent PornHub uploader Tyler Jones was clearly going through some stuff as evidenced by the title of his latest entry, confirmed masturbators nationwide.…
AMHERST, Mass. — Serial public masturbator Aaron Goddard received an unexpected education in progressive politics when he wandered into a zine library, according to the…
We at the Hard Times are big classic rock fans, and it definitely shouldn’t surprise you that one of our favorite artists of all time…
LEXINGTON, KY. — Lily Jones, personal therapist to resident Alex Hirata, would like him to know that yes it’s okay to masturbate as a form…
SYDNEY — Iconic Australian rock band Divinyls ended decades of speculation when they finally confirmed that their hit song “I Touch Myself” is an ode…
The ‘70s are back, baby, and they’re right here in my 250-square-foot apartment. I’m reliving the debauchery of the decade by masturbating to completion, taking…
Every woman knows there’s nothing better than coming home after a long day of work, changing into lingerie, lighting a Yankee candle, and going to…
Good help is so very hard to find these days. Case in point: I received a strange email rife with misspellings and odd formatting. The…
In Green Day’s song “Longview,” singer Billy Joe Armstrong makes reference to masturbating until it loses its fun. We decided to try this out and,…
Look, I’m desperate and I don’t care how embarrassing this is anymore. This year I decided to participate in the No Nut November internet challenge.…
So I guess we’re not knocking anymore? Alright, so you caught me whacking it. You can stop freaking out. Let’s talk about this like adults.…