Fans of Chris Weir’s Spotify profile were in for quite the shock when Chris’ long-dormant sex playlist, “SeXXX PLaYLiST”, was officially retitled “TIME TO MASTURBATE” over the weekend with no prior notice whatsoever.
Compiled back in 2011, the former sex playlist serves as a pitch-perfect time capsule to a simpler era when Chris assumed he’d be getting laid frequently enough to necessitate having a soundtrack for the occasion. However, at 39, the not particularly attractive or personable pet store employee has finally set some more realistic expectations for his playlists.
While masturbating to music is certainly unconventional, Chris seems to have no problem pumping away to tunes that were intended to arouse an adult woman from 2011. We may never know if he actually finds the music sexy or if this is more of an unhealthy, psychological cuckholding from a fantasized life unlived, but one thing is clear — Chris is pleasuring himself to the point where he feels it’s necessary to retitle a playlist from 15 years ago.
While that fact may add some unsettling connotations to the playlist for some listeners, the track listing and sequencing itself have remained entirely intact since its inception on Easter Sunday 2011. Overall, the set is an enjoyable listen that’s fairly consistent with the Spotify-generated Late ‘00s Indie Vibes playlist with a handful of anachronistic and way-too-on-the-nose additions like “Sexual Healing” and “Let’s Get It On”, both by Marvin Gaye and sequenced back-to-back. In hindsight, it’s clear to see why chicks wouldn’t necessarily want to fuck to something like this, though, with its target demographic landing somewhere between Urban Outfitters and autistic.
However, when we reached out to Chris to comment, he seemed way less concerned with his virginal lifestyle than with the discovery that his Facebook account is linked to his Spotify account, with settings that alert his Facebook friends anytime he makes or modifies a playlist. Nonetheless, Chris remains resourceful throughout it all, deciding that when life hands you a sex playlist, just make sex with your hand.
