SAN FRANCISCO — Lifelong straight edger Timothy Sharp tipped $5 on a glass of tap water last night, thanks to his ignorance of bar etiquette…
OAKLAND, Calif. — A loose nail on the stage at a campaign stop earlier this week led to the revelation that Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders…
URBANA, Ill. — The album “The Fire Between Us Is Quelled And It Is What It Is” by emo band Ripcord Falls reportedly made local…
NEW YORK — The Lower East Side crust punk scene is gripped by debate over the credibility veteran scene icon Bradley “Lice” Skeever, who is…
NEW YORK — Local rioter and 26-year-old woman Nikki Kraushaar reportedly threw molotov White Claws early this morning into a building during a protest against…
MONTREAL — Gildan CEO Glenn Chamandy left many people feeling vindicated today, admitting in a press conference that he has never once seen an actual…
BISBEE, Ariz. — Self-proclaimed punk sommelier and admitted problem-drinker Tegan Nixon strongly recommended that wine drinkers avoid Franzia made after 2015, “unless they wanna look…
CINCINNATI — Friendless, pathetic loser Sonny Robertson attempted to remedy his loneliness yesterday by starting a group text with his Verizon bill reminder texts and…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local indie band C4 and a Chocolate Bar severely overestimated their show attendance and audience’s wants last night by offering free EPs to…
BOSTON — The Dropkick Murphys’ first official “Shipping Up to Boston” Cruise occurred last week and remained docked in Boston Harbor for the entire duration…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Married couple Dave and Sarah Dyer allegedly conceived and birthed a newborn child on purpose within the last year, subsequently horrifying…
BALTIMORE — A local punk venue is now offering senior discounts to patrons over age 25 amid rising demand for accessible spaces, confirmed owner Johnny…
LOS ANGELES — Exceptionally talented, easy-on-the-eyes, genuinely nice and downright hilarious musician Garret Parker can go right ahead and fuck himself, male sources fuming with…
NEW YORK — A new study by Columbia University has found that ingesting cannabis improves whatever you need to hear to make you feel better…
SINGAPORE — Local heroine and seven-months-pregnant woman Candace Xiao willingly and graciously offered her seat to some dude wearing Chucks during her commute on the…