REVERE, Mass. — Misguided 43-year-old street punk Martin “Peanut” Landers announced today that he will be upping his cigarette intake to help himself lose 15…
LOS ANGELES — The winner of the “Best Alternative Music Album” at the 62nd Annual Grammy Awards was allegedly produced by acclaimed independent entertainment company…
LOS ANGELES — The traditional office space callout of “Kobe” when shooting a wadded up ball of paper into a waste basket will now be…
CLEVELAND — Local woman and total poser Brandi Herrera could not recall her moon sign yesterday when asked, despite her identifying as a lesbian, according…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local woman Connie Walters is fed up with all of her friends constantly asking for financial advice, based solely on the…
SEATTLE — Local dishwasher Freddie Young is frustrated by his inability to find an artist willing to tattoo Death Grips lyrics anywhere on his body,…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming that he was running away…
DANVERS, Wash. — A beloved biscuits and gravy recipe, made famous by the local Triple Five restaurant, is allegedly an exact copy of the one…
ATHENS, Ga. — Record store clerk Jimmy Taylor, well-liked by customers for his attentiveness, knowledge of music, and generally affable nature, was fired yesterday by…
RALEIGH, N.C. — A shirtless Senator Bernie Sanders stepped into the UFC Octagon vowing to take on all comers during a media workout ahead of…
CONCORD, Calif. — Local punk couple James Paulson and Maria Overholt admitted last night in front of friends and family that although they are proud…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Local woman and “legitimate fucking moron who acts like she’s better than everyone all of a sudden” Wendy Montoya allegedly enacted some…
CHICAGO — Combative brothers and Oasis founders Liam and Noel Gallagher reunited yesterday to surprise a hospitalized Oasis superfan with an endless display of their…
ALTOONA, Pa. — Anthony Spengler, the drummer for the hardcore band Unabashed, cleared off half of the band’s usual merch of T-shirts, buttons, and barely…
PEARL CITY, Hawaii — Local bus driver for the city of Honolulu Keoni “Green Bottles” Karns updated his apparent hit list earlier today of passengers…