OXNARD, Calif. — Local gentleman Jay Deme impressed his new girlfriend Lisa Traynor last night by politely opening up a…
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Patrick Coyne
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ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Chronically unemployed man and frequent HPV spreader Danny Feldman is completely unaware that his last three girlfriends…
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The Hard Times Staff
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SANTA FE, N.M. — Local mother-of-three Melissa Trayne suggested “one photo without the girlfriends” today, implying they may not want…
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PACIFICA, Calif. — Local boyfriend Sam Logan is “not even close” to providing the frequency, duration, and intensity of Instagrammable…
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Patrick Coyne
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Well it happened again. You’re irrationally angry and contemplating murder. Everyone feels the urge to kill at least once or…
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Megan Valley
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ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Liza Epperson realized yesterday that her new girlfriend, who allegedly described herself as “emo” in her…
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Bailey Hull
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AMARILLO, Texas — Passing over the controller like King Arthur surrendering Excalibur itself, sources report that local hero Lance Mason…
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Courtney Baka
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SAN DIEGO — Local punk Kelsey Hernandez insisted yet again today that her new, non-punk boyfriend is “more of a…
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Courtney Baka
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Friends of local man Jeremy Torres are unsure if his new girlfriend Laura Kelly is incredibly laid…
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Andy Holt
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KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Local libertarian Peter Murphy faced off against and won a rousing debate last night against his radical,…
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