If you’ve been paying attention to the Trump campaign, you might have noticed a bold change to his appearance. No, he didn’t change his trademark…
NEW YORK — New research funded by Fortune 500 CEOs revealed that improving work-life balance will decrease the size of your schlong, which prompted many…
LOS ANGELES — Comedian/actor Andy Dick was mortified to see his name displayed during the Emmys “In Memoriam” segment despite being still somewhat alive, sources…
LAS VEGAS — Radio rock stalwarts The Killers apologized to fans yesterday morning after realizing that they missed an obvious, optimal rhyme in their legendary…
NICASIO, Calif. — Longtime Star Wars fan Jon Eaton was charged with trespassing on Skywalker Ranch, allegedly hoping to ask George Lucas if the seven-and-a-half-foot-tall…
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s due to his protruding stomach,…
PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Conservative pundits outraged by Hasbro’s announcement that Mr. Potato Head would become gender-neutral immediately created petitions to ensure the company would not…
MUNICH — Luxury car manufacturer BMW will finally implement turn signals in all of their vehicles by 2022, according to a press release sent out…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Duke University mathematics professor Richard Hardens shocked and awed the academic world today by publishing his incredibly horny, but accurate proof, finally…
CHICAGO — Fast food behemoth McDonald’s announced today that they will remove the McRib from their menu worldwide to enable mascot Ronald McDonald to effectively…
ELIZABETH, N.J. — Local terrier mix Baxter Mitmann wasted his incredible gift yet again this morning of being physically able to put his own mouth…
NEW YORK — Ofc. Peter McKenzie of the NYPD underwent a controversial and dangerous surgery last week to alleviate stress on his abdomen during his…
EDEN — God, the almighty, omnipresent being responsible for the creation of life itself, finally confirmed that he removed Adam’s rib primarily so Adam could…
SAN FRANCISCO — A select group of lucky fans backstage after an Anthrax show last night were ultimately disappointed to learn that Scott Ian’s goatee…
ERIE, Pa. — Local activist Mac Henderson staged an event to honor Spore, the 2008 life simulator from Maxis, for being first piece of art…