Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City? I’m a thousand miles away, and honestly, I think it’s gonna stay that way. I’ve…
SEATTLE — Local musician Shelby Betancourt’s homemade N95 face mask, fashioned out of a flyer for an upcoming show, was destroyed yesterday by a passerby…
NEW YORK — A new study by Columbia University has revealed that the most played video game of the COVID-19 pandemic is the pornographic ‘Try…
BALTIMORE — Quarantined family man Arti Hagelstein succumbed today to both boredom and the exotic allure of Thelkkphegorg, the sleep paralysis demon who wakes him…
WASHINGTON — An anonymous source has datamined the United States government and leaked what appears to be future plans for a release of the long…
There’s no doubt in my mind that scientists and medical experts all around the globe are working tirelessly to prevent COVID-19 from taking more lives.…
DETROIT — Citing growing health concerns, Insane Clown Posse’s Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J announced yesterday the first ever “Distancing Of The Juggalos” festival…
PARMA, Ohio — Local Animal Crossing: New Horizons player, Theresa Marks, reportedly plans to bury her government check for $1,200 as soon as she gets…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local polyamorous woman Maris Seitman is now well aware of the misstep she made when choosing to quarantine with her least favorite…
As we trudge along through these desperate times, when the horrors of our lives were so accurately predicted in the hit video game Death Stranding,…
It’s a difficult thing to accept but right now, the best thing you can do for some of the people you love the most is…
NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying done quietly in their bathrooms,…
SEATTLE — As a nation shelters inside its homes amidst the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, one opinionated citizen inspired many by taking to his balcony to…
It’s hard to envision how society will look in a post coronavirus world. Maybe everything will be fine, or maybe this disease will wipe us…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crust punk Aaron Beckman compromised his health this week when his self-made coronavirus facemask inadvertently exposed him to 32 other rare…