CANTON, Mass. — Observers of the cover art of Dio’s 1983 debut masterpiece “Holy Diver” collectively agreed that the priest depicted being whipped by a…
Pope Francis seems to be in the news fairly regularly as a new face for the often antiquated and unwelcoming Catholic Church. Just last year,…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local heavy metal fan Eric Tullman was saddened that the Mercyful Fate shirt he was wearing while making an emergency restroom stop…
These fucking hypocrites at this church make me sick. Each week a sermon is interrupted by another rowdy kid screaming, throwing things, or shitting their…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local priest Pastor Stephen Kramer is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after hearing Christian ska band Skadom and Gomhorna play for his…
STAUNTON, Va. — Local board members at Staunton’s Green Hills of Grace Church are vocally championing J.K. Rowling, despite enforcing a household ban on Harry…
VATICAN CITY – The Roman Catholic Church recently unveiled a new limited-edition Berry Blast flavor for the Holy Sacrament of Communion, sources at the Vatican…
LAREDO, Texas — Conservative Tanner Oakenson recently committed his life to destroying all forms of fictional child abuse invented by his favorite conservative podcasters and…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Ryan Trent, a lifelong metalhead in his late 40s, is having a crisis of identity after hearing Darkthrone’s black metal scorcher “Summer…
BOISE, Idaho — Local youth pastor Chase Rexley gained quite a following in his church after revealing that he doesn’t believe in God, sources who…
BALTIMORE — Relatives of recently deceased punk Bryan Allen decided to postpone the beginning of his funeral until a few more mourners show up, sources…
I’m a few weeks into a new job, still in that awkward stage where I’m getting a feel for everyone before I reveal my actual…
When our publisher told us that he got us an interview with Josh Tilman, also known as “Father John Misty,” our first reaction was “what…
LIMA, Ohio — A large, unattended assortment of pumpkins located in front of Lima Bethelem Church are apparently free for the taking based on how…
“The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.” I have no idea what that statement means, but that’s what the vocalist of my previous band said…