TAMPA, Fla. — Local punk Toni “Skwerm” Malloy was disappointed to find out yesterday that she only budgeted enough for 75% of the bars in…
BALTIMORE — An obviously broken phone that you for some reason refuse to replace reportedly does still work, assuming you don’t need to use it…
CICERO, Ill. — Underpaid Target cashier and generally exhausted person Paolo Morte is considering getting into stealing goods from his place of employment after realizing…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk band Palm Terror are under heavy scrutiny today, facing accusations from long-time fans of selling out for accepting a Payroll…
TAMPA, Fla. — Punk magician “Dope” Derek Dombrowski asked moments ago if anyone else performing at a birthday party might have some doves he could…
When the opportunity to interview Green Day came up, we at The Hard Times were ecstatic. What couldn’t be gained from the wealth, both of…
SAN FRANCISCO — 38-year-old father and successful business owner Vince Martinez is still, despite all sound logic and reason, nostalgic for the absolute shittiest years…
WASHINGTON — An increasing number of Americans are relying on monetized Youtube covers of Toto’s “Africa” to make ends meet despite record-low unemployment and unprecedented…
SEATTLE — Finding himself continuously unable to afford modern consoles, Blake Sherman reportedly insists that he simply has an affinity for games produced before he…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Fervent Beto O’Rourke supporter Ritchie Garza attended a fundraiser event for the U.S. Senatorial candidate late last week, at which he…
ALLSTON, Mass. — A record-breaking number of millennials are joining multiple bands at a time to try to cover their daily expenses with little to…
SPRING HILL, Mo. — Local roommate Brad Windsor returned home today with a fresh tattoo despite claims of being “completely broke,” according to reports from…