Sarah Cortina
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My name is Sebastian, and I’m a multihyphenate. I’ve actually had many multihyphenate titles ever since I learned what multihyphenate…
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Matt McInerney
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Hi there. I have reservations for 6:30, but I’m a few minutes early. I can just stand outside—or maybe I…
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Freelancer
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Cheer up! This full-grown woman thinks nobody likes her because she's super annoying and says weird shit at parties, but…
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Josephine Ramos
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HILLSBOROUGH, N.J. — Local party-goer and person seemingly in need of some “quiet time,” Katherine Gallagher, is being asked by…
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A. Cabbot
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WASHINGTON — Jerkhole bassist Alex Miller finally overcame his anxiety yesterday to ask why his bass guitar includes two extra…
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Emma Jonas
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PORTLAND — Anxious roommate Megan Styers allegedly adorned every door in her house with a post-it note bearing only the…
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E.M. Caris
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SAN FRANCISCO — Local punk Rachel “Puke Pig” Valentino left an adult bookstore yesterday ready to enjoy a nice, cold…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — A visibly nervous group of Democratic leaders held a closed door meeting today to discuss possible ways to…
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Krissy Howard
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NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying…
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Taylor Roebuck
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DETROIT — Local woman and anxiety-haver Amanda Hamilton was spotted yesterday weighing all possible options for her evening plans before…
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