Press "Enter" to skip to content

Opinion: Let’s See That Thirteen Year Old Who Beat Tetris Fit My 12-Piece Drum Set In My Ford Fiesta

I bet you think you’re a big man now, don’t you? But guess what, just because you are the first and only person in human history to ever accomplish something it doesn’t mean you are special! There are more things in life than pushing the limits of human potential, and in the real world, baggage doesn’t clear itself up just because you put it away neatly. Because, unlike Tetris, the real world is not all ages.

You think you’re the shit because you beat Tetris once? Try doing that in six different cities in a week with a bass player who keeps bringing you a snare drum when it’s obvious the wind chimes need to go in first! And unlike you, I don’t have the advantage of knowing which piece his coked-up ass is going to bring me next!

My trunk barely has enough room for one bass drum and I’m working with four! My tags have been expired for 2 years and I can’t check to see if a cop is behind me because high hats are blocking all of my mirrors!

You successfully fit bricks into a small space and become a viral sensation! I successfully fit all my drums in my car and I’m suddenly getting yelled at because my girlfriend needs to drive herself to the show now!

So go ahead and keep thinking you’re the shit! Because one day you’re gonna learn! The world is not a kind place, and sooner or later it’s going to grab you and blow you right in the cartridge!