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Opinion: Let Me Tell You About Another White Guy Who Was “Out of Touch, Ignorant and Misinformed.” His Name was Jesus Christ

I’m pretty sick and tired of all this guff I’ve been getting in the Facebook conversations I insert myself into. It’s getting to where a man can’t point out the fact that Republican President Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves (and that BLM is therefore a communist terror group) without being called “ignorant” and “misinformed.”

I can only assume the online attacks against me are part of the growing trend towards reverse racism, which is like racism but done to white people so it needs its own special category. Well, let me tell you millennials about another white man people called “ignorant” and “misinformed” who, as it turns out, was right about a lot of things. Maybe you’ve heard of him? He was a humble carpenter by the name of Christ our Lord.

That’s right, internet. Check and mate. How can aging white men be so “out of touch” and “racist” and “guilty of cultural appropriation” when Jesus freaking Christ himself was white?!

If you don’t believe me, just go ahead and look at any picture of him! The disciples are always a little swarthed-up but our boy on the cross is clearly a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian who would appreciate a good pair of New Balance shoes if he were alive today.

On December 25th exactly 2,021 years ago, a beautiful white baby was born into the world, and that baby would agree with me that asking us to get vaccines and wear masks is communism. End of story!

I’m done letting you leftist trolls get in my way. If white Jesus listened to you people he never would have written the bible or started America in the first place, and then where would we be?!

Don’t @ me with your “Jesus was dark skinned” this and your “council of Nicaea” that. Read your history books, by which I mean go to my white church.

Seriously, if you could, that would be great. Frankly, our numbers are down due to a lot of sudden, unforeseeable deaths. I guess God needed a lot of Grandpas and Grandmas up there. Also, my neighbor’s kid who was 30 and perfectly healthy, but that only proves that God gets what he wants!