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Opinion: I Was George H.W. Bush’s Caretaker for Three Months. I Don’t See Why I Need to Be Entombed With the Rest of the Staff

For the last 3 months of his life I was the primary caretaker to George H.W. Bush.I do not claim to have really known him. By the time I came on board the man was already dying. He had been battling vascular Parkinsonism for some time and the loss of his wife earlier this year had robbed him of any will to go on. Still, I consider it a great honor and a great privilege to have been able to make a former U.S president’s final days as comfortable as possible. That being said, I really don’t see why I need to be buried with him along with the rest of the staff.

When I was summoned to a secret illuminati bunker underneath Disney World I assumed it was just a formality. At most I thought they might be treating me and the other tertiary workers to a day at the park. Imagine my surprise when I was told I would have the “honor” of serving former president Bush “in not only this life, but the next.” I was absolutely not ready for this.

I only worked for the Bush family for 3 months! It’s not like I became part of the “inner circle” or anything. By the time I met him George H.W. Bush was barely capable of speech, and now the shadow government just assumes that we somehow developed a bond strong enough to warrant me being entombed alive with his corpse on the off chance the Egyptians were right about the afterworld?! Give me a break!

I don’t even know the truth about 9/11, a fact that the kitchen staff won’t stop teasing me about by the way! Some of these people have been working for the Bush family for decades. They are a tightly knit community. Being buried alive with them will be so awkward! Also, you know, I want to live.

It’s not that I don’t understand the need for powerful men to be ceremonially buried with their menagerie of servants, I do. George H.W. Bush was a formidable man; a former U.S President, a chairman of the Bilderberg Group and one of only nine people to have visited the reptilian home world. He has certainly earned the right to be entombed with his most trusted servants like the pharaohs of old. I’m just saying, when he was coming up with the list of people who would continue to serve him in the after life I seriously doubt I even crossed his mind.

Frankly I don’t even know why we’re having a real funeral for him in the first place! The Trilateral Commission had his consciousness downloaded weeks ago and from what I hear the surrogate body they’re going to put it in is healthy as a horse.

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