You know, folks, there’s a question that keeps me up at night, and I think it’s time we all start asking it out loud. What exactly do veterinarians do with all those dog testicles they’re so eager to remove? I’m talking about MILLIONS of canine gonads that get snipped off every year in this great country.
They call it “responsible pet ownership,” but I call it a convenient excuse to collect more and more dog testicles. And these corrupt far-left communist veterinarians don’t ever let us keep the testicles. Trust me, I’ve asked. Why can’t I, as a dog’s rightful owner, keep what’s mine? The answer, my friends, is more sinister than you might think.
Let’s do the math, shall we? There are an estimated 65.1 million households in the United States that own at least one dog. Assuming about half of those dogs are male, and considering that 85% of all dogs are neutered, this means there are just over 52 million neutered male dogs in the country. Since each dog has two testicles, we’re talking about 104 million dog testicles that have just vanished without a trace. It’s a staggering number, yet no one seems to care. Well, I do, and I think you should too.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But JD, don’t they just throw them away? Surely there’s nothing more to it.” Well, if that’s true, how come we don’t see them piling up at the dump? Where are the mountains of dog testicles that should be littering our landfills? I’ve checked, and they’re not there. I’ve staked out several vet clinics, waiting for medical waste pickup to haul away the testicles, but oddly the Kamala Harris run police force shows up and shoo me away!
There’s something deeply unsettling about the fact that billions of dog testicles are missing. And yet, the mainstream media is suspiciously silent on this issue.
Consider this: when was the last time you saw a vet’s finances? Exactly. These veterinarians are raking in cash, yet they expect us to believe they’re just in it to “help” our pets. Sounds fishy, doesn’t it? Meanwhile, they’re robbing us of our dogs’ testicles, turning around and selling them to the Russians to make hand grenades and premium vodka. It’s high time we demand some answers. As your Vice President, I will get those answers. We need to know what’s really going on behind those clinic doors.
So, I’m calling on all American patriots: don’t just hand over your dog’s testicles without a fight. Ask questions, demand answers, and remember, if it sounds too crazy to be true, that’s probably because they don’t want you to know it’s true. We’re being left in the dark, and it’s time to shine a light on this scandalous mystery.
Wake up, America!