Weddings are a beautiful $50,000 celebration of love. If you’re fortunate enough, you get to spend one of the best days of your life with your beloved friends, cherished loved ones, and amateur disc jockey you hired off Craigslist to save a few bucks. As we all know, to have a successful wedding reception, you absolutely must have the right DJ who knows how to get the party started and make sure everyone is have the times of their lives. So obviously, you need a DJ who knows the ins and outs of shoegaze music. At least one would think. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees. Here are the top 30 shoegaze songs that were the worst idea to play as a wedding DJ. (Listen along to the playlist, click here)
30. Lovesliescrushing “babysbreath” (1993)
If we know anything about love it’s that it’s warm, fuzzy, and has no place at a wedding. Coincidentally, these are the same characteristics as shoegaze as evidenced by the existence of Loveliescrushing at this reception.
29. Shower Curtain “bedbugs” (2024)
When you’re tasked with the responsibility of inciting dance upon a well-dressed social gathering, you cannot take it lightly. Sure, you can’t dance to Shower Curtain, but you can slowly oscillate your torso and gingerly bob your head horizontally. That’s close enough.
28. The Meeting Places “Now I Know You Could Never Be the One” (2003)
As a wedding DJ, creating a dream-like flanged atmosphere that feels like you’re in a womb is the only thing that matters. The guests’ overall approval is secondary. Good thing too because they are not happy about this Meeting Places song.
27. Astrobrite “bottlerocket” (2001)
No one at this wedding can seem to distinguish between the guitar or vocals or anything else in this Astrobrite song. It’s like all the instruments blend together to create an audibly blurry abyss of commotion. Once they understand that this is the exact point of shoegaze they can really let loose.
26. Slow Crush “Aurora” (2020)
The goal of this Slow Crush track is to bring the vibe down a little before reenergizing things with some Slowdive. But according to the blank stares and everyone rubbing their temples, perhaps we didn’t bring it down enough. The ability to read the room is a crucial skill if you want to succeed in the wedding DJ industry.
25. Fleeting Joys “Kiss a Girl in Black” (2019)
Some would say the main problem with modern weddings is the exorbitant costs. Others might tell you that it’s more the lack of swirling ethereal tones that inspire you to close your eyes and picture a bunch of clouds fucking each others’ brains out in the sky. I think we can all agree that Fleeting Joys fixes one of these issues.
24. The Brian Jonestown Massacre “Evergreen” (1995)
Whatever you do, do not tell anyone the word “massacre” is in this band name at the reception. Don’t worry, they won’t ask. They will, however, hand you their phone that’s opened to the Weeknd’s Spotify page and hurl a few veiled threats your way if you don’t start playing his music.
23. flyingfish “wonder if you care” (2023)
The lack of lyrics in this flyingfish song are really throwing everyone for a curveball. But they don’t seem to like the shoegaze with words either. They really need to pick a lane or else no one here is going to have any fun.
22. Swervedriver “Rave Down” (1991)
The bride and groom requested a Justin Timberlake song as their entrance music, but that’s just not how wedding disc jockeying works. Plus, JT doesn’t fit the liminal ambiance we’re going for. They will get Swrevedriver and they will like it.
21. Asobi Seksu “Red Sea” (2006)
Halfway through, the father of the bride paid 100 bucks to end the shoegaze right then and there and put on the Jock Jams, Volume II CD he had in his car. Unfortunately, this would go against wedding DJ code. Does our oath of ceremonial honor mean nothing to them?
20. Launder “Chipper” (2022)
People actually seem to be trying to dance to this one, which is inappropriate. For shoegaze, you’re supposed to stand firmly in place, lightly sway from side to side, and let your hands dangle in front of you as if you have suddenly lost the cognitive function to control them yourself. Might have to show them how it’s done.
19. Chapterhouse “Pearl” (1990)
The maid of honor actually requested this one. At least that’s what I told the bride and groom. As a wedding DJ, it is important to know how to deflect anger and identify potential scapegoats as you’re setting up your equipment. It’s like no one appreciates these intangibles we bring to the function.
18. Airiel “Cloudburst” (2017)
No one seems to be responding to this Airiel song. That’s ok though. There are plenty of other Airiel tracks and shoegaze classics on the mix. They will see the brilliance of this genre before they leave the party. The doors will remain locked from the outside until the nine-hour shoegaze playlist has completed.
17. Blankenberge “Look Around” (2019)
If your wedding crowd doesn’t seem to be responding to the American shoegze, go ahead and dial it up a notch by throwing on the swirling ethereal tones of Russian band Blankenberge. If this doesn’t work for them on the dancefloor, I’m out of ideas. It’s like nothing will please them. Wedding parties are so picky.
16. Swirlies “Jeremy Parker” (1993)
There simply aren’t enough wedding receptions that feature music that makes you want to curl up in the fetal position to remind yourself that suffering is inevitable and must be embraced through song. Luckily, Swirlies can help with that.
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