Weddings are a celebration of love. To many, ska is the antithesis of that. Sure, those people are weird, but you must factor in other peoples’ feelings when it comes time to plan your own personal wedding reception. Especially your first dance. To avoid potential embarrassment among your family, friends, and that one guy from high school who you kind of knew but needed another person to fill out table #12 at the wedding, these are the worst ska songs you can play during your first dance with your spouse. (Listen to the playlist, click here)
25. The Hippos “Lost It” (1999)
Perhaps surprisingly, you somehow managed to get the Hippos to be your wedding band because they didn’t have anything else going on that day and they just so happen to know the ska version of the “Cha Cha Slide.” But there’s just no way your guests can stomach the recorded version of ska today after hours of the live stuff.
24. Less Than Jake “Johnny Quest Thinks We’re Sellouts” (1996)
On the surface, selling out has nothing to do with holy matrimony. But on a deeper level, the Hanna-Barbera cartoon character from the 1960s named Jonny Quest who thinks you’ve sold out just might. Either way, your parents will have a lot of questions, half of which will be about why you went with checkerboard Vans for wedding day shoes.
23. We Are The Union “Morbid Obsessions” (2021)
It goes without saying that words like “morbid” or any of its synonyms don’t belong on the wedding day rotation. Save that for when you get the $3,000 bill for the floral arrangements alone. Truly macabre.
22. The Arrogant Sons of Bitches “So Let’s Go Nowhere” (2006)
One of the most prevalent wedding first dance songs is “All of Me” by John Legend. Putting on a Jeff Rosenstock-based track when your guests are expecting something more sensual like R&B, will only frighten everyone. Striking terror in the hearts of your guests should not be the goal today.
21. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones “The Impression That I Get” (1997)
Some people may actually remember this one and say something like, “Hey, I remember this one.” That will only distract everyone from the fact that this moment is about you and maybe your spouse, not the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. They can dedicate any other time to conversations about the Bosstones, just not this one.
20. Operation Ivy “Yellin’ In My Ear” (1989)
Doesn’t matter how legendary the ska band is, it does not make a whole lot of sense to play them on the best day of your life. Well, according to your mom anyway. She just doesn’t get it. And you know what, mom? I guess it wasn’t just a phase.
19. Catch 22 “9mm and a Three Piece Suit” (1998)
Judging by the lyrics, this song is about a Tarantino-style robbery or murder spree. In theory, this should be a nice change of pace to the Ed Sheeran everyone is used to hearing at weddings. However, somehow everyone looks confused and concerned for their well-being.
18. Kill Lincoln “I’m Fine (I Lied)” (2024)
Playing this song will only make more sense why this was a destination wedding to Nebraska. Clearly, you wanted to take advantage of the “ska” pun in the state’s name. If anything, this might make guests relieved you can’t make a ska-related pun out of the French Riviera. Way more expensive.
17. The Aquabats “Super Rad!” (1997)
The Aquabats’ fan base tends to be literal children, so unless you want a bunch of kids interrupting your first dance and taking the spotlight away from you then might we suggest one of the more boring and less fun love songs. Kids hate drab sentimental tracks.
16. Mustard Plug “Beer (Song)” (1997)
This one will only remind everyone at your wedding that it is not an open bar and they are charging nine bucks for a bottle of Heineken Light. Try to stay away from music that reminds everyone that corporate greed under the guise of inflation is robbing us all.
15. Save Ferris “Come On Eileen” (1997)
There are absolutely no rules against using a ska-ified cover for your first dance, though maybe there should be. However, everyone will be more confused that the main dish served was mozzarella sticks. One thing at a time.
14. NOFX “All Outta Angst” (1997)
Nowhere in the nuptial ceremony playlist should NOFX make an appearance. This is less of a concern about the ska factor and more about the Fat Mike element. Neither of these are warranted on a day like today.
13. Common Rider “Classics of Love” (1999)
Don’t be confused by the word “love” in the title. The upstroke guitar riff will negate any love the room is feeling. Sure, you’ll tell your cousins that it’s the singer of Operation Ivy, but that will only confuse everyone even further. Now is not the time to drop historical ska facts. Keep your mouth shut at your wedding.
12. Dance Hall Crashers “Go” (1995)
On the surface, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this song. It’s upbeat, catchy, and makes you feel like you are currently in a bouncy castle. However, it drives you to want to skank. The first dance should overwhelmingly be skank-less. At least, according to the normies.
11. The Suicide Machines “S.O.S.” (1996)
S.O.S. is a Morse code distress signal used to indicate that you are in deep shit when on the open waters. Luckily, your idiot families and friends won’t see this as a metaphor for your relationship because they’ll be too busy waiting for the song to be over so they can go home to sit on their couches. No one wants to be here.
10. Mad Caddies “No Hope” (1998)
Your first dance should inspire hope and kick off a lifetime of love and happiness for you and your spouse. However, judging by the title, this song is the opposite of that. They won’t see it coming. Hell, they didn’t even see the priest dressed up as a rude boy coming.
9. The Interrupters “She’s Kerosene” (2018)
Probably not the best idea to use a song that compares your new spouse to a combustible hydrocarbon liquid that’s mainly used for arson purposes. Though you could do worse, like one of those sappy songs everyone keeps saying you should’ve done instead.
8. Bomb the Music Industry! “I Don’t Love You Anymore” (2007)
For some reason, your families and friends are going to take this song title the wrong way. It’s more about the feel of the song, not the lyrical content. This one is going to go right over the heads of everyone. And let’s face it, this wedding needs to be catered to them.
7. Mephiskapheles “The Bumble Bee Tuna Song” (1994)
The only thing worse than a regular ska song as your first dance is one about canned fish that you can skank to. If you choose this one, your conjugal decision-making skills are beyond repair.
6. Jeff Rosenstock “SKrAm” (2021)
This is the third Jeff Rosenstock entry on this list. If you’ve learned anything from this article it’s that you shouldn’t allow Jeff 50 feet from your wedding. In fact, check his tour dates before setting a date for your wedding so they don’t accidentally coincide. You can never take too many precautionary measures.
5. Catbite “Not Ur Baby” (2021)
Your first dance is supposed to symbolically start your marriage off on the right foot. However, this song is clearly about two people breaking up. Read the room.
4. Skankin’ Pickle “Hate” (1994)
A marriage should be all about love. Hate should only be reserved for mortal enemies, like Hitler and the new upstairs neighbor you now have after moving in with your spouse who does that thing where they shift furniture around all night. Think before you skank.
3. Streetlight Manifesto “The Saddest Song” (2003)
A self-proclaimed sad track is the last thing you want for your first dance. For instance, just imagine playing Elliott Smith in this moment. Now imagine Elliott Smith with a horn section. Now imagine Elliott Smith with a horn section wearing matching checkered ties. Depressing.
2. Reel Big Fish “Hate You” (1995)
The lyrics “I hate you, fuck you, leave me alone” are just not going to come across the right way in front of your families. Hate has no place in love-based ceremonies. Let another couple have this one for their first dance.
1. The Specials “Little Bitch” (1979)
You try explaining to your family and friends that just because this song contains the b-word, it doesn’t mean there’s some hidden resentment about your brand new spouse. It’s just that the upstroke guitar is uplifting and that in theory should override any derision in this song. Non-ska people are always trying to find the hidden meanings in wedding songs that contain the word “bitch.”