ROCHESTER, N.Y. — The Progressive Rock Defense League demanded earlier today that the Walt Disney Company feature a princess actively engaging in fandom of famed Canadian prog-rock band Rush, according to a statement released over an entire side of an LP.
The complaint comes after decades of Rush fans citing their lack of representation in mainstream family films.
“I mean, come on — it’s 2018,” lamented PRDL head Buster Malme in the middle soliloquy movement of the epic 20-minute vinyl press release. “Disney movies have ripped off Rush for years. Tell me that Beauty and the Beast isn’t just a watered down ‘Witch Hunt’ — or that the inside cover of 2112 hasn’t been inspiring Disney princess fashion for decades!”
The Walt Disney Cooperation Division for Diversity and Inclusion responded promptly to the demand with a short, punchy, 2-minute digital press release of their own.
“The WDCDD commends the brave individuals who have come forward as proud admirers of prog rock. We realize many people around the world suffer this affliction, and must endure the daily consequences,” Disney spokesperson Mariko Helms said. “However, we just do not feel it would be prudent or realistic to feature a prominent, empowered woman willfully listening to Rush… unless maybe she was going to a concert to support her prince.”
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One representative of the PRDL, who requested anonymity to avoid ridicule, claimed they were “angered and disgusted” by the rash heteronormative generalizations made by the entertainment giant. “If we had any women in the organization, they would be furious,” they asserted.
Noted celebrity Rush fan and Rush bassist Geddy Lee has publicly supported the movement.
“I would love a Disney princess to be into our band,” Lee said. “It’s not like she has to like Presto or anything, but I bet Alex [Lifeson] and I could write the first Disney hit in 11/8. And Neil [Peart] has plenty more lyrics about talking trees. Maybe Pixar will do it.”
When asked if Pixar was considering Lee’s proposal, CCO John Lasseter announced that the company has “chosen not to decide at this time.”