PHILADELPHIA — A group of local crust punks selflessly offered to help furloughed “bootlicking peons of the bloated and immoral federal government” yesterday by teaching…
Are all cops bastards? Yes. We know this because it’s been proven by punk’s top researchers. The same researchers who helped answer important questions like,…
NEW YORK — Local punk Kyle Gilbert is ecstatic for his countless opportunities to explain the historical significance of Bikini Kill to anyone who will…
My band just finished our first recording session! We saved for months to book time at a professional studio with an experienced engineer- a real…
DALLAS – After days of deliberation, scene veteran Preston Lemons still hadn’t decided whether to attend a show at the Nickel and Dime Club that…
ELKRIDGE, Md. — Mild-mannered 42-year-old insurance salesman Jello Biafra suffered another case of mistaken identity this week, as he was once again assumed to be…
TULSA, Okla. — Adamant atheist, open homosexual, and hardcore punk Ed Rossi is technically a better Christian than his biological, evangelical family that disowned him…
PITTSBURGH — A local punk house is gearing up for its fourth consecutive year of flu season, now plaguing residents for the equivalent of one…
Wow! What a great second guitar part. ‘GTR 2B’ will perfectly complement the rest of the mix on this song, especially once I mute it…
BRISTOL, Va. — The Eyeballs frontman Mike D’Ontario reportedly asked the opening act at a local show last night if he could borrow their setlist…
I have never been a religious man. That all changed the moment I came to the realization that, despite the fact that every blowhard entertainer…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A group of Ouija board players were visited by a punk member of the ether last night, who communicated that it was…
DAYTON, Ohio — The drummer of local punk band Vulture Attack took a “confusingly inappropriate” amount of time last night to set up his minimalist…
SAN ANTONIO — Local concertgoer Tim Flinanski is two tandem stage dives away from certification for solo dives in accordance with recently enacted safety precautions,…
WASHINGTON — Scientists researching the life expectancy of punks now claim that the first punk to live a full 65 years has likely already been…