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Many Eyes Granted Custody of Every Time I Die Fans, Better Lovers Receives Weekend Visitations

BUFFALO, N.Y. — A local judge granted Many Eyes, the new band founded by Ex-Every Time I Die singer Keith Buckley, full legal custody of approximately 250,000 fans of his now former band while the remaining ex-members of the band in Better Lovers will receive limited visitations on weekends, sources confirmed.

“I’m very pleased with the ruling,” Buckley said after being granted responsibility for over a quarter million adult metalcore fans. “The Every Time I Die fanbase deserves to grow up around positive influences like Thursday and Rival Schools and I’m glad the judge saw that. I’m looking forward to giving all of these predominantly 30 and older men a more spiritual upbringing. And don’t tell them, but for Christmas I have a big surprise trip planned to Connecticut to meet Jamey Jasta Claus”

Some fans admitted they were upset with the decision and would prefer to follow Better Lovers, the band founded by the remaining ex-ETID members alongside Dillinger Escape Plan singer Greg Puciato.

“I wanted to go with Better Lovers if I’m honest,” said 36-year-old Every Time I Die fan Robert Perez after learning he would legally need to relocate to Buffalo, New York. ”Keith is great but Greg has really been connecting with us. Last week he taught us how to juggle, jump off a venue balcony into a crowd safely, and blow fire. He was going to take us on a trip for Christmas to one of the last Virgin Megastores to run over the heads of everyone inside but now we have to go to stupid Connecticut instead.

Jonathan Savest, a researcher studying the effects of band breakups, commented that the decision is in line with recent band-fan custody rulings.

“Ever since Sparta and The Mars Volta received joint custody of At the Drive-In’s fans in 2001, we’ve advocated that judges give sole custody to one band over their former band’s fans,” said Savest. “We noticed At the Drive-In fans struggled having to live for two weeks with a very traditional Alt Rock band and the next in a Prog Rock group with a revolving live lineup. However, judges are naturally sympathetic to the singer’s band, especially ones that are reformed from their hard partying early years.”

The decision comes in the wake of recent sightings of other members of The Dillinger Escape Plan in public with their original singer, after previous statements claimed that they were just taking a break.