NEW YORK — UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was fatally shot outside of a Hilton hotel in New York Wednesday morning in what experts are calling a “redirection” of the violence normally reserved for political figures.
“Me and the other unhinged violent nutcases got together and decided this was the best path forward,” said a masked man who identified himself as Xrevolution during an interview at an undisclosed location. “Politicians talk about plans and policies to further disenfranchise the poor, but at the end of the day, what do they actually do? If we want to effect real change in this country, we unhinged maniacs need to stop getting bogged down by political assassination attempts and focus our unbridled rage at titans of industry.”
While many in the off-the-grid violent weirdo community praise the redirection as more effective, some view this sudden change of course as grave misstep.
“Oh, so the GOP pigs get off scot-free?!” asked dark web commentor @Day_of_reckoning420 via voice-change phone interview. “I for one will not be wasting my time and ammunition on a bunch of corporate nerds. We need to keep or sights on the real enemy, my dad! I mean Trump! Fuck. Delete the part where I said my dad. Delete it mother fucker, I have a gun!”
The majority of the far-left activist community continues to disavow violence in all of it’s forms.
“Every sane person knows gun violence will solve nothing,” tweeted far-left commentator @CommieScumUnicorn560. “When I think about Brian Thompson I’m heartbroken because I just see all the harassment, boycotting and blackmail that can no longer be levied against him because some maniac killed him in a fit of rage.”
The UnitedHealthcare investor conference was cancelled shortly after the shooting, though an insider confirmed attendees are walking away with “a much clearer message than conferences of years past.”