NEW YORK — Local one-hit wonder band Owl Tempest reportedly apologized today for failing their fans after only being able to produce one timeless masterpiece everyone adores, sources confirmed.
“When we wrote our hit song ‘Free Falling on a Broken Wing,’ we were just four kids in a garage pouring our hearts into our music, and through some miracle it resonated with complete strangers so much that it became the soundtrack to countless weddings, graduations, and first kisses. But then I’m ashamed to admit that it just never occurred to us to write a second global mega-hit that still gets airplay 30 years later, so for that I’d just like to say—our bad,” said Owl Tempest vocalist Brad Penny. “If there’s a silver lining to our monumental failure as artists it’s that our song at least inspired 30 seconds of fodder for Hal Sparks to riff on during VH1’s ‘I Love the ‘90s.’”
Owl Tempest fan Clark McEnroe long resented the band’s inability to make a second worldwide chart-topping hit appear out of thin air.
“I loved ‘Broken Wing,’ but I just never understood why making a second crossover hit that appealed to several key demographics, garnered broad critical acclaim, and presented a worthwhile investment opportunity to major labels so they’d push it on radio and MTV was so hard,” said McEnroe, looking at his old Owl Tempest CD. “Probably because they wasted so much time on the other songs instead of writing another all-time great. I mean who even listens to the ninth song on an album?”
Longtime music executive Tomasz Klein shared his frustration that so many one-hit wonders failed to produce a second crowd-puller that he could bleed money from.
“How hard can it possibly be for these ‘one and done’ artists to write a second global sensation? Biz Markie was just happy to stay in the friend zone? Never occurred to Nena to write about 100 luftballons? Doris Troy couldn’t take just one more look? Even Eiffel 65’s blue alien shit out a second single that charted,” said Klein, throwing darts at a “Bittersweet Symphony” vinyl. “They could learn a thing or two from the Red Hot Chili Peppers—give California a shoutout, scat some gibberish that sounds like a slurring Australian stroke victim and voila! Top of the charts for decades.”
Seizing on the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ formula, Chumbawamba announced plans to return to the top of the charts with their new California-inspired song “Malibubthumping.”