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Old Punk Holding up Merch Line by Paying With Check

TUCSON, Ariz. — A local show’s merch line was held up last night for more than 11 minutes when aging punk rocker John “The Don” Bergeron insisted on paying with a check, sources “kind of in a hurry” confirmed.

“I’m gonna write this for a little bit over [what I owe]. Is that ok?” Bergeron reportedly asked the merch guy, as the line grew longer. “I need to pick up some ginger ale on the way home, and the little store by my place won’t take a check. It’s great that you will, though. By the way, is this show going to start soon, or what? It’s dark out!”

Bergeron, who played in the influential Phoenix punk band Human Cannonball for years until “a real nasty case” of gout sidelined him from extensive touring, hadn’t been seen at a show in over four years — leading many to speculate on his whereabouts.

“Bergeron? Like, ‘The Don’ Bergeron? I’ve heard all kinds of stuff about that dude,” said Kim Clark, whose band The Poppinoffs opened last night’s show. “I heard he quit punk rock forever and moved to the sticks once ‘the Internet started,’ whatever the hell that means. But then, our bass player, Callie, said he always comes in for coffee at the Bob Evans she works at and complains about how cold it is.”

“So I bet that’s him… unless there’s some other bald punk carrying around a full-size checkbook covered in Assück stickers all over Phoenix,” she added.

Despite the mystery surrounding his extended hiatus, Bergeron seemed visibly happy to support his local scene again.

“Oh, look! The bands are selling those little gadgets you put a can of beer in,” he said to no one in particular, as the restless line behind him grew longer and louder. “Oh, shoot — I wrote the wrong date on this. I gotta start over. You know, you guys should really open another register.”

At press time, Bergeron was found holding up a line at a nearby gas station while trying to remove his driver’s license from the plastic part of his wallet.