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Old Man Who Doesn’t Like Rap Song Somehow on Right Side of History

LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal musician, and noted septuagenarian, Ozzy Osbourne broke new ground when he became the first old white man to complain about a rap song and actually be on the right side of history.

“This is the first time we’ve ever seen a person of Ozzy’s age, wealth status, and complexion complain about a rap song or artist and actually be correct. Especially when they say it in an all-caps Tweet,” said music scholar Aiden Lawrence. “Usually men his age complain about how rap songs glorify crime, or how they think it doesn’t take much talent to create a song, but Ozzy did something completely different. He called out Kanye West for his anti-semitism, pointed out how he already denied Kanye permission to use a Black Sabbath song, and then made it clear he wants no association with Kanye. This is a big day in history, but I expect it to quickly be overshadowed by someone like Don Henley randomly bringing up how he doesn’t like how rappers dress.”

Most longtime fans of Osbourne were pleasantly surprised by his stance.

“As your musical heroes continue to age you just hope they don’t say or do something to mess up their legacy. I have so many friends who grew up loving Morrissey and have spent thousands of dollars getting their Morrissey tattoos covered up or modified,” said metalhead Tony Garcia. “We are entering into a very dangerous era where legendary musicians of the ’80s and ’90s who don’t understand how the internet works could start publicly talking about their opinions about race, homelessness, trans issues, or immigration and frankly I’m scared. Maybe this is the reason so many great musicians die young, this way they don’t live long enough to be canceled.”

Legendary rapper T-Pain had a completely different experience with Osbourne on X (formerly Twitter) earlier this year.

“I sang on a cover of ‘War Pigs’ at The Sun Rose and Ozzy tweeted at me saying it was the best cover he had ever seen and wishes we had called him. Hell, I wish I had his phone number. I would have loved to share the stage with him,” said T-Pain. “But I’ll admit when I first saw he had tweeted at me I full expected a racist rant, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Ozzy is a real one.”

At press time, Osbourne was contacted by phone for further comment but we couldn’t understand a word he said.