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Metalhead Just Figures It’s Easier To Let His Family Think He’s Goth

PUEBLO, Colo. — Metalhead James Kingor concluded that it’s just easier to let his family think he’s goth instead of constantly explaining the intricacies of metal and its various subgenres, resigned sources report.

“I’ve totally given up trying to tell my parents, siblings and cousins that being a metalhead is nothing like being goth,” Kingor sighed. “The other day, I went to visit my parents and my dad jokingly referred to me as ‘The Prince of Darkness’ because I was wearing a Municipal Waste shirt. They all think that I light black candles and watch ‘The Crow’ in my room while listening to Bauhaus. I just like to drink beer, play video games, hang out with my friends and cut the sleeves off of all of my shirts. There’s literally nothing goth about me, but it’s just easier to let my family assume I like Siouxsie and the Banshees. Trust me, convincing them otherwise is a wasted effort.”

Kingor’s mother Rachel expressed her concern over her son’s supposed goth lifestyle.

“Of course I’ve worried about my James and his goth phase,” Mrs. Kingor said. “Especially after the Columbine tragedy that happened when he was in middle school, I was concerned that he would lash out at those around him. He seems to have grown into a well-adjusted man, though, so I guess it’s just a funny little quirk about him. I’ll never understand his lifestyle, but I will always love and support him just the same. He recently got a tattoo on his arm of a band he loves called ‘Carcass’ or something like that, so I guess he’s going to be goth forever even if he does grow out of the music!”

Sociologist Candela Acosta explained Kingor’s situation with his family.

“It is extremely common for people’s family members to conflate their subcultures with others,” Acosta explained. “Parents of crust punks will assume that they listen to blink-182 and New Found Glory, and I did one case study of a rockabilly fan who was driven insane because her family consistently thought the only song she listened to was ‘Zoot Suit Riot’ by the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. I agree with Kingor’s decision to refrain from correcting his family, as I’m sure he’s already tried enough times.”

At press time, Mrs. Kingor decided to surprise her son with a mesh tank-top and black lipstick for him to wear to an upcoming Cannibal Corpse show.