BIG FLATTS, N.Y. — 51-year-old nu-metal fan Ricky Clud recently expressed that Saliva’s early 2000s classic “Click Click Boom” was the secret to getting hyped up for his prostate exam, several crudely tattooed sources report.
“Before I hit the big 5-0, I was quite the badass. I’d always rock out to Saliva before getting drunk at the bowling alley picking fights, getting drunk at the county fair each year and picking fights, or even going to weddings then getting drunk and picking fights,” Clud explained, adding he’s settled down in his old age. “Now I use that ‘Click Click Boom’ energy to get me all jacked up before my doc sticks his finger up my butt. Shit’s wild, man. But it’s necessary, and it’s the health-conscious thing when you’re my age.”
Josey Scott, current singer of Saliva, talked about the surprising origins of the nu-metal anthem.
“I think most people give us and nu-metal in general a bad rap. It’s not all about manufactured angst and embarrassing fashion trends, it’s sometimes about overcoming adversity, like the adversity one feels before a routine prostate exam,” Scott explained. “That’s what ‘Click Click’ boom is really all about. So next time you hear it in a Fast and Furious movie or whatever, let it be a reminder that it’s a standard medical procedure, and your manhood isn’t being threatened, and you’re not gay or fuckin’ whatever the jabroni losers say.”
Leading urologist Dr. Cindy Zhao discussed past patients who use surface-level metal bands to prepare them for anything medical.
“Very few people understand how beneficial those tough guy bands have been for professionals such as myself,” Dr. Zhao explained. “It used to be that men were so self-conscious about their masculinity, they would rather die than get a routine test. Since ‘90s Pantera, and with the advent of nu-metal, men have been using aggressive music to get prepared for things like colonoscopies and such. As a matter of fact, we at the hospital sit each colonoscopy patient in a room with Pantera’s ‘Walk’ playing. You can almost see the nervousness disappear and the insane adrenaline take hold every time.”
At press time, Saliva issued a statement saying they’ve accepted the role as “the official nu-metal band of proctology” according to the American Medical Association.