OAKLAND, Calif. — Dennis Henderson has continually hit “next” in Spotify’s shuffle mode for the last two hours, and has vowed not to stop until he hears the exact song he wants, disgruntled partygoers confirmed.
“It’s unbearable. I just wanted a fun, little get together to break in my new apartment… and now, everybody is on edge, because Dennis took over the music and keeps pissing everyone off,” said Raj Clarke, the party’s host. “First of all, no one asked to hear his ‘House Party Playlist.’ But if he wants to listen to one specific song so badly, why doesn’t he leave shuffle and just play it?”
Clarke’s guests agreed, confirming the impossibility of holding a conversation or even relaxing with the music abruptly changing every five seconds.
“Dude’s got like 3,000 songs on this playlist, and a lot of them are songs people want to hear,” said visibly distraught partygoer Joanna D’Antonio. “He even sat in the most comfortable chair, so it looks like he’s in this for the long haul. This is literally the exact opposite of the shuffle feature’s intention.”
Unfortunately, many attendees have already left — and those that remain have attempted to convince Henderson that his behavior is inconsiderate, illogical, and highly impractical, to no avail.
“I swear it’s the next song,” Henderson reportedly announced to the party, before most recently shuffling into ‘Waterfalls’ by TLC. “I can feel it coming!”
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Attendees confirmed Henderson’s claim that his search for the Misfits’ “Hybrid Moments” will make the song that much more enjoyable when he finally finds it.
“He said it’d be just like hearing it on the radio,” complained Clarke. “Honestly, I’m mostly just concerned for him at this point. Is this how he listens to music? It might by why he can’t hold a job, or stay in a relationship.”
At press time, a fight broke out when Henderson realized he’d been searching through the wrong playlist.