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Limp Bizkit’s Debut Re-Released as “5.57 Dollar Bill, Y’all” After Adjusting for Inflation

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Venerable rap rock band Limp Bizkit announced that their hit 1997 album “Three Dollar Bill, Y’all” would be reissued with a title updated to reflect rising inflation, according to a press release written on an Arby’s wrapper.

“When we started out, three dollars wasn’t a lot, but it wasn’t nothing, either,” said frontman Fred Durst while waiting for his cap brim to be pressed at the Jacksonville Mall’s Lids. “We don’t want to come off as a nostalgia act, so on the new reissue, we’re adjusting it for inflation. Kids today just aren’t going to respond to three dollars. In ‘97, I could get a pack of Parliaments and a Slim Jim for under three bucks, but not anymore. Now check this out: $5.57. That’s something that will resonate with young people. It’s contemporary, it’s fresh. It speaks to the next generation of Limp fans.”

Diehard nu-metal fan Clement Cottrell was thrilled by the news from his favorite band.

“I think it’s awesome,” said Cottrell, 46, while on a vape break behind the incinerator he uses to dispose of his town’s roadkill. “I think this is exactly the sort of thing they need to be doing to get the youngbloods on board. Kids today might be confused by how little three dollars is and get all hung up on numbers rather than focusing on the killer tunes. People should appreciate the Bizkit for what it is: a band that sings about a wide range of important topics, from talking shit about shitty people to beating the shit out of people who talk shit. Thing is, now I’ll have to update the ‘Three Dollar Bill, Y’all’ stick-n-poke my last celly gave me. But that’s okay, he’s getting sprung next month.”

Forbes assistant managing editor Maureen O’Toole weighed in on the topic of economic revisionism in popular culture.

“Everyone’s talking about inflation in terms of rising food and consumer goods costs,” said O’Toole. “But few people are tuned in to the cultural impact high inflation is having, and how references to currency need to be constantly recontextualized. For instance, in 1996, 50 Cent seemed like a fine name for a rapper. 50 cents could get you a king-size Baby Ruth, after all. But if Curtis Jackson were savvier, he’d update his name to 95 Cent. That’s reflective of a staggering 89.9% cumulative rate of inflation. And how about that old song ‘Shave and a Haircut’? Nobody even knows what two bits means. But if you change it to ‘Shave and a Haircut, $7.53’, now we’re talking.”

As of press time, Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies had announced a similar bid to remain relevant by retitling their 1992 hit “If I Had $1,000,000” to “If I Had $2,124,105.49.”