WHEELING, W. Va. — Local conservative Jerry Wardmore repeatedly stated that Vice President Kamala Harris’ proposed ban on grocery price-gouging is “downright communist” despite complaining…
BELLEVILLE, NJ — Financially savvy 38-year-old Scott Lawry revealed his secret to saving $50 is to spend several hours shopping at multiple grocery stores, confused…
SEATTLE — Juror no. 11, local punk David Martin, told fellow jurors that this is his longest single stretch of continuous employment since entering the…
WASHINGTON — A recent study conducted by the Census Bureau revealed that the majority of Millennial Americans are forced to take on a second or…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local woman Carissa Whitley was reportedly billed 500 million dollars during a recent visit to Riverside Veterinary Center with her 3-year-old Labrador…
What in the actual dad-rock fuck is this shit?! I make my way all the way downtown (on a Thursday!) just to order a few…
With the price of eggs continuing to soar, many consumers are naturally looking for cost-saving alternatives. Well, we wish we could tell you that vegan…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Venerable rap rock band Limp Bizkit announced that their hit 1997 album “Three Dollar Bill, Y’all” would be reissued with a title…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
SAN FERNANDO, Calif. — A new report from the Federal Reserve Bank of Los Angeles showed that unprecedented inflation is forcing adult entertainers to have…
WASHINGTON — The United States Treasury announced they will introduce another round of ⅛” to ¼” adaptors into public circulation for the first time in…
You can’t make it 5 minutes online these days without seeing some smug, pale Ben Shapiro- or Charlie Kirk-type screaming in your face about how…
WILMINGTON, Del. — An alarming new study out of the University of Delaware finds that the average millennial punk has to steal significantly more from…