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Guitar Center Interviewee Fails Black Sabbath Ozzy/Dio Era Question

DAYTON, Ohio — Managers at a local Guitar Center decided not to offer a sales position to Brandon McDougal after he miserably failed the “Black Sabbath Ozzy vs. Dio Era” test, employees at the store confirmed.

“Look, we’re not some bush league mom n’ pop instrument shop who will hire just anybody off the street. We’re Guitar Center #687B-7. We have standards,” explained Guitar Center manager and struggling songwriter Gavin Barzini. “If you come into my office and can’t even give me the correct answer to one of the most obvious questions in rock history, then how will I be able to trust you with maraca and rainstick sales? Some people just aren’t cut out for the rigors of corporate musical retail.”

Following the intense grilling at Guitar Center, McDougal tried his best to make sense of his painful rejection.

“Frankly, I’m a little shocked,” admitted McDougal. “I have over three years experience in music retail and also have a music performance degree, but it was the Ozzy versus Dio question that disqualified me? What kind of horseshit is that? And for the record, I got the question right. They don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Maybe I don’t want to work with people who have horrible taste! They probably did me a huge favor. Any Sabbath fan worth their salt would disagree with those posers.”

Preeminent Black Sabbath historian and super fan Francis Abernathy lent his expertise in order to clear up any misconceptions.

“To be certain, the Ozzy versus Dio debate is as old as time, but is not impossible to solve,” noted Abernathy. “Just look at the two vocalists individually. Ozzy is the original singer for the band, and has a unique vocal timbre and larger-than-life personality who attracted thousands of fans from around the world. Then you have Ronnie James Dio, a musical force and symbol for metal who attracted thousands of fans from around the world. I think the answer is clear.”

At press time, Barzini was arrested for viciously beating an applicant who claimed that Tony Martin was Sabbath’s best vocalist.