FORT WORTH, Texas — The lead singer of local grindcore band Razor Masturbator found his creative output drop dramatically after his debilitating writer’s block had him down to writing only 19 songs per day, bandmates have confirmed.
“I used to write 40 songs about desecrating corpses within 30 minutes, and these past two weeks I haven’t been able to crack 20 songs. I guess I’ve just been in a good mood lately and it’s really fucking up my ability to fit three minutes of lyrics within ten seconds,” said frontman Russel Conner. “It feels like I’m just screaming about the same shit. If I can’t get over this writer’s block I might have to do something drastic like get a full-time job. Maybe in order to convey how sick our capitalist society is I have to be a part of it. What the hell am I saying? I’m an artist dammit!”
Conner’s bandmates’ attempts to inspire him have so far been unsuccessful.
“I’m just the guy who plays three variations of blast beats but even I know Russel’s creative burnout could tank our momentum. Shit, our label expects four more albums by the beginning of 2025! I get writer’s block happens but nothing’s been able to inspire him, not even our weekly viewings of fucked up Eastern Eurpoean horror movies,” said Sid Garza. “I pitched this idea of a 43-track concept album of inhuman growls but he said he’d rather his mind stay blank than take suggestions from a drummer. Sorry for trying, asshole!”
The band’s label rep was not concerned, as he’d seen this exact scenario play out before.
“Russel and the band are in good hands. I developed a little retreat for our grindcore artists so they can rejuvenate their sound. Basically I just send ‘em to the middle of the woods and they’re subjected to the most brutal living conditions possible,” said A&R rep Jeff Skinner. “Once, Pig Destroyer was struggling with material so I had them all thrown in a hole, covered it with razor wire, and left them for six days. They came back to the studio and used the experience to record ‘Terrifyer,’ and the rest is history.”
Later, Russel had a burst of creativity and wrote 30 songs in an hour after finding out his reclusive aunt died and was eaten by her cats.