LAS VEGAS — Heavy metal band Five Finger Death Punch recently transformed their merchandise table into a fully functioning Army recruitment center, sources close to the band report.
“We noticed that people who listen to our music seem to skew towards either ‘already in the armed forces’ or ‘considering joining.’ Fans attending our concerts can now pick up a shirt and enlist in the U.S. Army—all in one convenient stop,” Ivan Moody, lead vocalist for the band stated. “Why not give our fans a chance to show their love for their country in the most direct way possible? We will actually have buses waiting to take them to basic training straight from the show. It’s better that way, so they don’t have time to rethink their decision after the energy of the concert wears off.”
Some fans have expressed discomfort with the increasingly militarized atmosphere at the shows.
“I knew that their music pandered to military guys, but this is too far. The opening act was some guy in camos just talking about all the cool guns we’d get to use and how the Army will give us a sense of purpose and duty,” complained one concert-goer, who preferred to remain anonymous. “I bought a poster and when they handed me the credit card receipt to sign I realized it was seven pages long and conscripted me to military service for a year. That seems fucked up to me.”
Experts have found this experiment disturbing, but not at all surprising.
“Five Finger Death Punch leans heavily into military themes in their music and imagery. This collaboration just takes that support to the next level,” noted Dr. Emily Greene, a professor of Media and Military Studies at UNLV. “Recruitment is painfully low so the Army is doing anything they can to bolster its numbers. However, using music venues as recruitment grounds blurs the line between entertainment and enlistment in ways that could exploit the fanbase’s enthusiasm. Most of these kids don’t know what ‘Got Your Six’ even means.”
As people continue to debate the appropriateness of this partnership, Five Finger Death Punch have already announced that going forward all of their mosh pits will be under the strict control of a drill sergeant.