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Explosive Exposé Reveals How Music Industry Created Nirvana To Sell Graphic Tees At Target 30 Years Later

NEW YORK – A tell-all HBO documentary is sending shockwaves through America after revealing the iconic grunge band Nirvana was an industry plant created in1987 specifically to sell branded clothing at Target decades later, the exposé’s director has confirmed.

“For years I heard whispers behind closed doors from industry folks that there was much more to Nirvana’s origin than the media lets on,” said Victor Pomello, the man behind “Something in the Cart: The Untold Truth of Target’s Nirvana.” “Still, I had no idea just how deeply sinister the real story actually was. Our team spent years scouring documents, interviewing hundreds of witnesses, and piecing together the harsh reality: Nirvana was not actually a band, but a carefully crafted campaign orchestrated by savvy marketing professionals to hawk overpriced T-shirts to future generations of impressionable consumers.”

The exposé, which had already climbed to the top of Max’s trending list, has been strongly rebuked by Target executives as “libelous in nature” and “a total farce.”

“Everyone knows that Nirvana formed on their own in Aberdeen, Washington. Our company had absolutely nothing to do with it,” said Target’s Chief Merchandise Officer Patricia Singh, wiping sweat from her brow with an “In Utero” handkerchief. “Yes, Target sells multiple Nirvana-branded clothing items, phone cases, and other products, and yes, they continue to grow steadily in popularity with each passing year, as predict—ahem—as the data seems to be showing. We just got lucky that teens are spending millions of dollars each fiscal quarter on merchandise for an effortlessly cool band that definitely was not concocted from feedback from dozens of focus groups.”

Claiming to have had “no goddamn idea,” Dave Grohl, Nirvana’s drummer from 1990 to 1994, took to Instagram Live to express his astonishment after watching the investigative documentary.

“By the time I joined the band we were already picking up serious steam. We never really talked about the early years or how they actually got started,” Grohl conceded. “Now that I think about it. I do vaguely remember Kurt and Krist sometimes whispering about some weird contract and they always had ‘business’ in Minneapolis. One time Krist got drunk and started referring to the band as ‘Operation Target profit,’ but I didn’t really read into it at the time because we had just signed to Geffen. Fuck man, this is crazy. I can’t believe this. Were the Foo Fighters real? Is anything real? ”

At press time, details surfaced that Weezer reportedly took a $100 million bribe from the California Real Estate Association to release the song “Beverly Hills.”