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Dry Cleaning Bill Bankrupts Swing Revival Band

NEW YORK – Up-and-coming swing revival band The Boofing Sleuthers are ready to call it quits after mounting dry-cleaning bills wiped out their bottom line, disappointed managers and accountants confirmed.

“The swing revival pretty much died out in the mid-’90s, so when we busted out onto the scene with throwback tunes like ‘Daddy Needs Three Fingers of Buttermilk,’ we pretty much cornered the market,” said frontman Dax ‘Babytooth’ McCallister. “We were packing out clubs and making bank, but nobody told us that the regular maintenance and upkeep of 12 zoot suits would eat up our entire profit margin. We even had to start a GoFundMe to get back home after the last tour date because we had no money left over for gas.”

Band manager Terry Fink crunched the numbers, and had no choice but to force the band to file chapter 11 after reviewing their annual ledger.

“Dry cleaning bills notwithstanding, there are other factors to consider,” said Fink as he hunched over an adding machine trying to make sense of the band’s pomade expense report for fiscal January. “Sure, the band’s daily burn runs about $1,200 so they can look sharp on stage, but there’s also collateral damage that didn’t even cross our minds. Billy Bob ‘The Throb’ Steele insisted on renting a Stradivarius double-bass for a video shoot, and his cufflinks did a number on the varnish, setting us back by thousands. We’re operating on a $65,000 deficit for the last month alone, and that’s a conservative ballpark figure if I’m being entirely honest.”

Band costume designer Beth Franklin takes partial responsibility for bankrupting The Boofing Sleuthers, but doesn’t necessarily have any regrets.

“When I was put on the payroll to design the band’s wardrobe, I probably could have just gone to a costume store and done it on the cheap,” Franklin said while letting out the crotch seam for one of the plus-sized members. “But they were packing out clubs and the checks were always cleared, so I went all out. I work on a percentage-based commission, so naturally I spared no expense while looking for the highest-quality Panama hats the vintage market had to offer.”

After meeting with their accountant to figure out how to dissolve the band’s assets, McCallister was spotted drowning his sorrows in a 1910 Renault Vintage Cognac he managed to expense to the record label.