CAMILLUS, N.Y. — Local black metal band Bügnorkvlt shrouded a crowd with their evil, mystifying atmosphere, despite playing at a barely attended bowling alley, corpse-painted sources report.
“Being one of the only seven people there to watch them play their set, I must say I was impressed at how well they pulled it off,” show attendee Jill Crossgrove explained. “I felt like I was fully immersed in the cold, dark atmosphere they were presenting despite the fact there was a child’s birthday party happening in the lanes directly next to me. The kids didn’t seem to enjoy the fog machine or amateur pyrotechnics. The father of one of the children even complained about missing a 7-10 split because of the band. There’s just no way that was the reason.”
Bügnorkvlt’s bass player and founding member Todd “Goathammer” Snee admits he was a bit reluctant going into the gig.
“I didn’t think we had enough to convey the overwhelming dread we were going for, but I think we easily achieved total dominance over all that is light through our 20-minute set,” Snee said. “We weren’t allowed to wear our usual combat boots on the floor, so we had to rent shoes there. But the fact half the lights were already dimmed or out completely, plus how cool it looked with our hair blowing around from the hand driers, we pulled it off quite nicely, I attest.”
Owner of Pinnsbury Lanes, Randy Martinez, revealed that most bands actually do quite well there.
“Some might say having your band play at a bowling alley is ‘uncool’ or ‘embarrassing’ or ‘lacks integrity’ or whatever. But if you remove the bumpers and tune out the sound of the bowling balls rolling down the lane and striking the pins, it’s just like a real music venue,” Martinez explained. “Some of the best sets I’ve ever seen were played right here underneath the Coors Light ‘Beerwolf’ overhead lights. I still keep the bowling pin GG Allin tried shoving up his ass when he played here in the early ‘90s behind a glass case. Lotta great memories made here!”
At press time, Bügnorkvlt embarked on their three-date weekend “tour” consisting of bringing black metal to local arcades and Chuck-E-Cheese establishments within a 25-mile radius.