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Band Pretty Sure It’s Safe To Park Van Here Overnight

DETROIT — Embarking on their first tour, members of ClearlyxStraight are pretty sure it’s safe to park their van in this dark, crime-ridden alleyway overnight.

“Dude, whatever. I’m tired. Just park it,” Casey McGormick, the band’s drummer and soon-to-be Kickstarter manager, said.

“In our hearts and in our minds, united, together; the only thing we need to worry about is if all this shattered glass is going to pop our tires,” Daniel Morgan preached to the back seat as he pulled into the spot.

Related: Bernie Sanders Launches GoFundMe After Tour Van Stolen Outside Debate

The Detroit Police Department had hoped their “break-in area” signs would help advise drivers as to where to avoid parking their cars, but the program has seemingly failed to inform one key demographic — touring bands.images

“You’re basically giving your equipment away by parking in this neighborhood. It is probably better to just leave everything unlocked so you won’t have to replace any broken windows,” Police Sergeant Rick Caldwell said.

Update: ClearlyxStraight is reporting via Facebook that all of their equipment and merchandise is missing. The estimated cost of everything missing is around $350.