Heavy metal is the devil’s music. It’s written in the Bible. When you die (and if you try hard enough, when you’re alive) and you inevitably end up in Hell, you’re going to want to get on Lucifer’s good side. So we’ve provided you with a list of bonafide ‘80s metal tunes you and your new eternal Beelze-bub can play on what we imagine would be a killer sound system and headbang together too. And sure, you might ask, “Who the fuck is this band?” but you want to impress Satan with your heavy metal knowledge while you burn in hellfire for all eternity, right? We thought so.

Running Wild “Chains and Leather”

Before Germany’s Running Wild grew out of their satanic imagery phase towards a more mature, dignified pirate gimmick, they released two of the decade’s most deliciously cheesy Satanic metal records. Gates of Purgatory is probably the more evil of the two, but Branded and Exiled has the song “Chains and Leather” on it. And with lyrics like, “Even Satan wears leather, our souls to it forever,” it holds a place on this list.

Slayer “The Antichrist”

Slayer is synonymous with two things: Satan, and Slayer fans. While we’re sure much of Slayer’s fanbase probably would end up going to hell, we’re here to talk about the devil’s number one fans, Kerry King and Co. And although any number of songs from their classic catalog could have made this list, “The Antichrist” is just….a cut above the rest.

Sabbat “The Church Bizarre”

Sabbat’s 1988 masterpiece, “A History of Time to Come” is a bit different from what most bands who praised the dark lord back in the ‘80s were doing. The imagery, atmosphere of the record and most of all, the lyrics, set them apart from the goofy, comic book villainy nature of most of their contemporaries and take a much more “I like, actually disagree with the church” approach. Definitely one you’re sure to “wow” Satan with.

Mercyful Fate “Black Funeral”

“All hail Satan, YES HAIL SATAN”

Venom “In League With Satan”

When you die, you’ll no doubt see Satan sitting on his throne of skulls or whatever, wearing a Venom shirt. Is he vain to wear a shirt with his own face on it? Who cares! Venom is the band that took blasphemy to new heights within heavy metal music and we can’t imagine when he wouldn’t be their biggest fan.

Possessed “Seven Churches”

Although most of the songs featured on this list are in the more “traditional” sense of the genre, it would be hard to write a list of blasphemous songs without mentioning death metal (yeah, death metal) pioneers, Possessed. Sure to have a high spot on the dark lord’s playlist.

Stormwitch “Priest of Evil”

It’s about a priest. An evil priest. An evil priest who spits on every crucifix.

Black Sabbath “Disturbing the Priest”

The fact that this album sounds like it was recorded in some dark hallway in hell, using a black box from a 1970s 747 jetliner adds to its devilishness. Plus the album cover has one of the few pictures of baby Satan known to man. Not their best, but definitely their biggest ode to the big man.

Mercyful Fate “The Oath”

“I WILL KISS THE GOAT”

Witchfynde “Would Not be Seen Dead in Heaven”

This song takes a unique approach to being evil. A “making your little brother walk 10 feet behind you while walking to school so you aren’t embarrassingly seen with him” sort of way. And the results are fantastic.