The Avengers: Earth’s mightiest heroes, super-powered beings dedicated to using their extraordinary gifts to protect the Earth. And on September 11th, 2001, they were curiously absent.
With so many heroes in the MCU it is truly perplexing that not one of them attempted to prevent the events of that fatefull day or even lend a hand in the aftermath, especially considering the fact that they have access to time travel. We decided to go straight to the source and ask them all point blank “What the hell?” Here is every excuse they provided ranked from best to worst:
23. Thor
“I know not of this 9/11 you speak, but from today henceforth I solemnly vow that I shall know no rest until I have found it and made it taste the full might of my hammer! Can you describe the beast?”
22. Hulk
Hulk’s alter ego Bruce Banner provided an understandable reason for not stopping one of the greatest tragedies on American soil.
“Hulk is basically a giant walking 9/11. If I let the green guy stop those planes that day, he probably would have celebrated by destroying the Twin Towers himself, maybe some other buildings too. I’ve learned to keep that guy as far away from 9/11s as possible.”
21. The Marvels
“If they let the only all-girl team stop 9/11 the internet manosphere would fucking riot.”
20. Ant-Man and Wasp
“Best we could have done was make 9/11 smaller, or possibly bigger.”
19. Black Widow
“No matter how many form-fitting tactical outfits I did kicks in that day those planes just kept coming. Oh well, can’t win ’em all!”
18. Nick Fury
“I stop 9/11 every day! Sorry I took one day off in 2001!”
17. Valkyrie
“First I’m hearing of it.”
16. Hawkeye
“I’ve been petitioning Boeing for years to build an airplane that explodes when you hit it with an arrow, but do they listen?!”
15. Vision
“Don’t blame me! I voted for Gore.”
14. Spider-Man
“I’ve never seen 9/11, I think it came out before I was born? I heard it was great though.”
13. Shang-Chi
“I can’t really remember what I even do. I’m like a magic guy, right?”
12. America Chavez
“I stopped 9/11 in a bunch of other universes but honestly, after a few dozen, you get bored.”
11. Winter Soldier
“Because no one said ‘exhibition, tarnished, eleven, ladies night, microwave, forty-two, subway car, Dallas’ to me in that exact order.”
10. Moon Knight
“If 9/11 didn’t happen, they never would have made “Loose Change.” I love that movie!”
9. Black Panther
“Did you ask Queen Elizabeth II the same question? How about King Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands? You see where I’m going with this.”
8. War Machine
“Seriously? My name is WAR MACHINE. Maybe if it was “Peace Machine” I would have done something, but probably not because “Peace Machine” sounds like a real bitch if you ask me!”
7. Scarlet Witch
“There’s actually no spell for stopping 9/11s. I got Pearl Harbor, January 6th, The Challenger explosion, but no 9/11. It’s weird!”
6. The Guardians of The Galaxy
“By the time we found the perfect song to stop 9/11 too, it was already too late. Chumbawamba, “Tubthumping.”
5. Captain America
“Well, the first time I lived through 9/11 I was frozen in a block of ice so, you know, absent excused. The second time let’s see, I was probably balls deep in my girlfriend Peggy Carter. We would have been in our early 70s by then but she was still a whole lot of woman, and me? Well, I’m Captain America.”
4. Falcon/Captain America
“I actually DID stop 9/11, but it didn’t test well so we went into reshoots. We just wrapped and even though that horrible tragedy still happened, I think the audience is going to be happy with the results. You didn’t hear this from me but… Red Hulk. Ha! I’ve said too much.”
3. Iron Man
“I was dealing with my own personal 9/11 at the time, by which I mean two female flutists from the London Philharmonic. One was a nine, and the other, let me tell you, she was an eleven. You get that I had sex with them, right?”
2. The Eternals
“The same reason we haven’t prevented any of the huge global catastrophes we’ve idly witnessed through the ages, we don’t GIVE A FUCK yo!”
1. Doctor Strange
“Using the Eye of Agamotto, I glimpsed into over 14 million possible futures, and the one where 9/11 happened was the only one where we got U.S ground forces into Iraq. I allowed 9/11 to happen for the greater good, and history will vindicate me along with the Bush administration.”