20. James Dante
It is the destiny of every Midwest bully’s sidekick to die with a needle in their arm and a bass guitar in their hands.
19. Holly Wheeler
Holly is the youngest character on the list, but if you think that makes her safe guess again. Growing up in a town that serves as a gateway to a hell dimension can have long term traumatizing effects. The kind of trauma that will make someone grow up seeking solace in angry music and drugs, sad to say.
18. Lucas Sinclair
Lucas’s weakness is his need to be accepted by the cool kids, and once the cool kids become grungy drug addicts it will be all over for him.
17. Argyle
Even though it’s only 1986, Argyle may actually be in a grunge band at this point in the show already, it isn’t clear. What is clear is that hard drugs are gonna be a problem for this dude.
16. Martin Brenner
He’s got ‘90s soul patch Bowie vibes and access to pharmaceuticals, it’s just math.
15. Mike Wheeler
Once a musical genre emerges that views Mike’s shrill whining as an asset he’ll be all in.
14. Jim Hopper
Hopper will have a modest hit with his band’s grunge cover of “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim” before his demons chase him into the throes of addiction.
13. Joyce Byers
Her band’s hit “Where’s My Boy?!” will go to the top of the charts for a hot minute, but then disappear. Joyce can cope with a lot of things, but flash-in-the-pan fame isn’t one of them.
12. Eight
The power of the “rainbow room kids” manifests in different ways. Eight has that cool illusion power that’s unique to her. It turns out Eight’s special power is making people believe her band is anti-corporate and dangerous while shilling and selling out left and right. The guilt of fraud will unfortunately lead her down a dark path.
11. Steve Harrington
Steve’s top priority is trying to get laid, and by the ‘90s that’s unlikely to change. It’s an obsession that will motivate him to start a grunge band and eventually bow down to the super unknown of hard drugs.
10. Demogorgon
This dude is raw as fuck, and it comes through on the vocals. In the “Stranger Things” universe, he’ll actually join Temple of the Dog. Plus, he’s from the Upside Down, so heroin is actually good for him. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. He dies after trying kale at a craft services table for the first time.
9. Scott Clark
Yeah, the dorky science teacher is in the top ten, don’t act surprised. Scott has layers. Scott fucks. You wouldn’t think a grunge Weird Al tribute band would work, but he finds a way. Eventually, he gets so successful that heroine bores him and he invents an even more dangerous drug that kills him.
8. Eleven
“Oh, you saw Kurt Cobain smash a shitty acoustic guitar at a Seattle coffee shop in 1990? That’s cool. I saw a girl with a shaved head destroy an entire stage, WITH HER MIND!”
7. Max Mayfield
Max calls herself the “zoomer” of the party, presumably because she rides her skateboard super fast. Nope. Cocaine. Tell Max all your thoughts on God, cause she’s on her way to meet her!
6. Murray Bauman
Murray’s band “Murray Bauman’s Cosmic Cavalcade” is going to be more Primus meets Zappa than grunge, but he don’t mind stealin’ bread from the mouths of decadence and he will for sure drink himself to death.
5. Robin Buckley
She’s cool, she’s gay, she’s steeped in alt-culture and she’s seen things most people can’t imagine in their most vivid nightmares. With grunge poised to dominate the musical landscape right as she hits her mid-20s Robin is bound to form not just any band, but a good band. Can she, however, handle the pressures of overnight success? Sadly no.
4. Dustin Henderson
His singing debut, a rendition of “The Neverending Story,” wasn’t exactly on par with Nirvana’s first cover of “Heartbreaker,” but Dusty has come a long way since then. With his passion, angst, and the tutelage of Eddie Munson under his belt, Dustin is on a one way train ride to grungetown U.S.A, population heroin.
3. Jonathan Byers
He’s an outsider punk photographer who’s already experimenting with weed, much to the chagrin of insufferable Disney adults on the internet. By 1991 his musical horizons and interest in drugs are bound to expand.
2. Eddie Munson
The metal-to-grunge pipeline was unstoppable by 1991, by which time take-no-shit nerd Eddie Munson will be about 24 years old. Grunge is destined to become his life for the following three years, and then his life is destined to be nothing.
1. Will Byers
Will is artistic, brooding, and sensitive. When he was a boy he lived in an Upside Down swamp for a week, and there’s nothing more grunge than that, other than your older brother raising you up on Bowie and punk, which Will also has going for him. His artistic drive, tastes, and early trauma will ensure that come the ‘90s Will Byers will form a kick-ass grunge band and then die tragically young.