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Every Issue of Alan Moore’s ”Swamp Thing” Ranked by How Likely They’ll Get a Conservative Book Ban

It’s not uncommon for a comic book title to change writers several times throughout its history, but when Alan Moore took over “Swamp Thing” in 1984 he truly made the book his own. His era is largely regarded as one of the most celebrated runs in comic book history.

Moore retroactively changed Swamp Thing’s origins. In his retcon we learn that Swampy was never a man transformed into a plant as we previously believed, but in fact an avatar of nature itself. The book began to explore themes of environmentalism, spirituality, and the psychedelic experience. So, right off the bat, a lot of red flags for conservatives.

We went ahead and ranked every issue of Moore’s Swamp Thing by how likely they’ll receive a conservative book banning campaign, and sad to say things are not looking good for our boy Swampy in the red states, which is where a lot of the good swamps are!

46. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #41 (October 1985): “Southern Change”

Hollywood actors filming an antebellum Southern drama are taken over by the racist spirits of people who died at the plantation where the film is set.

They love this one. They fucking LOVE this one.

45. Saga of the Swamp Thing #20 (January 1984): “Loose Ends”

After defeating his arch-nemesis Arcane Swampy is presumably killed by Sunderland.

An industrialist’s private army murders a creature they fear because they don’t understand it. Certainly, nothing for conservatives to complain about here.

44. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #44 (January 1986): “Bogeymen”

After breaking into his girlfriend’s house unannounced, Swamp Thing murders a Serial Killer.

Violating a woman’s boundaries and capital punishment. From a conservative standpoint, what’s not to love?

43. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #57 (February 1987): “Mysteries in Space”

Swamp Thing gets caught in a Zeta beam and tussles with Adam Strange.

If you’re not familiar with DC’s Adam Strange, he’s a guy who’s kind of a loser on Earth but a mysterious beam transports him to planet Rann where the pacifist native population depends on him to solve their problems with violence and to mate with their women. In other words, he’s a conservative folk hero, and this issue where he fights the embodiment of environmentalism is as influential to them as Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead.”

42. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #63 (August 1987): “Loose Ends (Reprise)”

Swamp Thing murders his enemies and reunites with Abby.

Swampy’s bloodlust here is highly relatable to Republicans.

41. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #60 (May 1987): “Loving the Alien”

Swamp Thing is forced to mate with a sentient alien spaceship.

While the title “Loving the Alien” is not a sentiment conservatives are known to embrace, a surprisingly high percentage of QAnon believers have reported being sexually assaulted on spaceships.

40. Saga of the Swamp Thing #25 (June 1984): “The Sleep of Reason”

Abby and Swamp Thing have a flirtatious swim as she tells him all about her new job working with autistic children. We find that one of the kids lost his parents after they accidentally summoned a monkey demon with an Ouija board.

As far as conservative thought leaders are concerned, that’s what you get for vaccinating your kids and messing around with the occult. This is one they want in schools.

39. Swamp Thing #59 “Reunion” (April 1987)

When she hears about a creature lurking in the swamps Abby returns to Louisiana hoping it’s Swamp Thing, but it’s just her dead dad as a Frankenstein and then he dies again.

Easier to read than the real Frankenstein so conservatives are all for putting this one in schools and banning the original.

38. Saga of the Swamp Thing #26 (July 1984): “…A Time of Running”

Swamp Thing, Abby, and Etrigan The Demon prepare to face The Monkey King at the home for autistic children. Meanwhile Matt, after arguing with Abby about her not sleeping with him, gets drunk and crashes his car.

You would think this one was on the chopping block since our heroes team up with a literal demon from hell, but for today’s far-right the part of the story that serves as a parable for what not obeying your husband can make him do trumps the satanism.

37. Saga of the Swamp Thing #28 (September 1984): “The Burial”

Still tormented by his inherited memories of being Alec Holland, Swamp Thing seeks closure by finding Alec’s body and giving it a proper burial.

To conservatives, Swamp Thing may be an unholy avatar of the earth’s plant life, essentially a pagan God, but at least he has the decency to give Alec a proper Christian burial. They’ll allow it.

36. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #40 (September 1985): “The Curse”

A woman gets her period so bad she transforms into a werewolf.

They don’t want to ban this one, but they’ll want to ban you when you don’t laugh after they quip “Sounds like MY wife!”

35. Swamp Thing Annual Vol. 2 #2 (1984): “Down Amongst the Dead Men”

Swamp Thing pushes his consciousness-shifting abilities to the limit and enters the afterlife. After a mind-bending conversation with the spirit of the man he thought he was, Swampy enlists help from Deadman, The Phantom Stranger, The Spectre, and Etrigan to find Abby’s soul and return it to her body.

Many conservatives believe this is the reason you should never remove a feeding tube. Even if a patient shows no brain activity, that doesn’t mean Swamp Thing isn’t in hell recruiting Deadman, The Phantom Stranger, The Spectre, and Etrigan to retrieve their soul after it was wrongfully sent to hell.

34. Swamp Thing #33 “Abandoned Houses” (February 1985)

In a dream Abby meets Caine and Able, who show her that through human history there have been several Swamp Things, with the beats of the story leading to his creation happening again and again. Then Caine kills Able again just for funsies.

The concept that the same stories tend to come up, again and again, is unnerving for some Christians who would rather not acknowledge previous iterations of biblical stories, as doing so questions their authenticity. Most of them can’t even read that sentence without getting a headache though, so this one is unlikely to inspire a ban.

33. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #51 (August 1986): “Home Free”

In the fallout of her scandal, Abby leaves Louisiana for Gotham City, where she is mistaken for a prostitute and arrested again. Swamp Thing comes back from hell and reads all about it in the newspaper. He’s pissed.

Again, from a conservative viewpoint, some fantastic slut shaming. If the series just ended here Alan Moore would be a right-wing hero on par with Ayn Rand and Frank Miller.

32. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #52 (September 1986): “Natural Consequences”

Swamp Thing crashes Abby’s trial in Gotham and demands her release. When he is ignored, he causes plants to overgrow and Gotham begins transforming into a jungle.

A metaphor for what conservatives believe will happen if they do not prosecute victimless crimes, they’ll allow it.

31. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #55 (December 1986): “Earth to Earth”

The people of Gotham erect a statue in Swamp Thing’s honor. A memorial is held. Abby wrestles with her grief. Lightyears away, on an unknown blue planet, Swamp Thing emerges from the soil.

Not unlike a certain long-haired carpenter you may have heard of? Come on religious right, give Swamp Thing a chance!

30. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #48 (May 1986): “A Murder of Crows”

Swamp Thing saves Constantine’s life, but in doing so fails to stop the Invuche tribe from completing a ritual that will lead to a great evil snuffing out the light of the universe. Meanwhile, Abby is arrested for indecency when photos of her kissing Swamp Thing leak to the press.

While praised for slut shaming Abby, conservatives just can’t get behind Swampy’s decision to save a hungry mouth like Constantine when the boat is clearly sinking!

29. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #47 (April 1986): “The Parliament of Trees”

Swamp Thing meets his wood elemental predecessors in The Parliament of Trees and gains a deeper understanding of his own potential. Meanwhile, a sleazy photographer takes pictures of Abby and Swamp Thing getting intimate.

Communing with woodland spirits to unlock your true power? This is Satanism 101. Next thing you know kids will be having orgies, sacrificing goats, and watching woke propaganda like “Bluey.”

28. Swamp Thing Vol. 2 #45 (February 1986): “Ghost Dance”

Two couples, one person from each of which is barely hiding the fact that they’re having an affair, explore a haunted house. Turns out it is haunted, and Swamp Thing tries to save them.

Conservative men view this comic as an attempt to indoctrinate young people into cuckolding on the grounds that it makes them insanely aroused. Banned!

27. Saga of the Swamp Thing #38 (July 1985): “Still Waters”

Swampy meets Constantine in Illinois where a town is overrun with aquatic vampires.

Fish vampires in the American heartland?! Okay, GROOMER!

26. Saga of the Swamp Thing #37 (June 1985): “Growth Patterns”

Abby finds Swamp Thing growing back to life Baby Groot style. They are visited by the mysterious John Constantine, who informs Swamp Thing that he is a “wood elemental,” and is able to die and grow back anywhere in the world he chooses. He tells Swamp Thing to grow a new body in Illinois and meet him there in one week. Meanwhile, freaky demon shit happens all over the world.

In other words, the future liberals want!

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