20. Baby Hugs Bear
This is what happens when you subscribe to the hippie-dippie “Let kids be free” parenting style of one Grams Bear. Don’t be like Grams, discipline your children frequently and teach them about guns as soon as possible.
19. Baby Tugs Bear
Baby Tugs? Okay, GROOMER!
18. Surprise Bear
I don’t care if she’s hiding a thoughtful gift for me behind her back, if any bear surprises me I’m going for my gun.
17. Bashful Heart Bear
I’m sorry, we’re supposed to celebrate shyness? Are we supposed to celebrate being a follower? You need to nut up Bashful Heart Bear! Lose the rainbow heart and replace it with a blue lives matter skull, No more sushi and boba teas, switch to an all-meat diet, and become the super predator nature intended you to be! Get those T-levels checked ASAP.
16. Bedtime Bear
On the surface Bedtime Bear is a blatant attempt by the left to undermine grindset mindset and tempt our children with the sin of sloth. If you look deeper, however, he’s actually far more sinister. Bedtime Bear has the ability to enter children’s dreams, where we cannot protect them. He’s basically a woke Freddy Kruger, and brother, that’s the two scariest things there is.
15. Gentle Heart Lamb
Sheeple.
14. Wish Bear
Wish Bear’s power is that she helps make wishes come true, but it doesn’t always work, but she thinks that’s okay because wishes are fun. I smell a Democratic presidential nominee.
13. Cheer Bear
A world full of pink bears who shoot rainbows out of their stomachs is the exact future liberals want. Men used to go to WAR.
12. Friend Bear
Pure propaganda brought to you by the gay agenda. Everyone knows having more than two friends is homosexuality.
11. Take Care Bear
Remember when playgrounds were full of metal stuff that could impale you and no one gave you flack for sitting your kid in the front seat without a seatbelt? Thanks to overly cautious liberals like Take Care Bear that’s all a thing of the past. You ask me, kids should be put into dangerous situations to prepare them for the real world and to thin out the herd. It’s called Darwinism Take Care Bear and fighting it makes us weak!
10. Hopeful Heart Bear
Hope is the platform Barack HUSSEIN Obama ran under and has no place in a real American home.
9. Secret Bear
Alright, I don’t care what your politics are, I think we can all agree the worst possible name for a teddy bear is “Secret.” The same goes for clowns.
8. Cozy Heart Penguin
Her hugs have the power to make people feel warm and cozy and want to hug other people. Like a zombie virus, but with hugs. Even zombies are gay now? Men used to go to WAR! Let men be men and let zombies eat flesh!
7. Treat Heart Pig
This is a show for children, why is this pig encouraging kids to indulge in the sin of gluttony, making their entire generation too sluggish and weak to fight the Satanic globalist agenda?
6. Lotsa Heart Elephant
I don’t want my son to see pink elephants until his first post-divorce drinking bender.
5. Tender Heart Bear
Oh wow, another bear with another dumb heart on its stomach. I’m ranking this fucker in the top 5 because I’m honest to God getting sick of this.
4. Noble Heart Horse
He’s considered the patriarch of all Care Bears even though he’s a horse and they’re all bears. Noble Heart Horse is a thinly veiled assault on traditional family structure, do not let him indoctrinate your children.
3. Love-a-Lot Bear
Her Care Bear power is the ability to spread love. To our children. I have to connect the dots for you? GROOMER!
2. Harmony Bear
This Care Bear represents harmony and togetherness among people of all kinds. She represents one of the greatest threats to our way of life. Harmony should only exist between two entities, America and Russia.
1. True Heart Bear
The first Care Bear, the one who started it all. A living testament to the horrors that can happen when society becomes a gynarchy, like ours is today. Unless you want to see your children grow up with gay iconography on their stomachs and doing Care Bear stares, aka CANCELING important industrialists like Elon Musk and Professor Blackheart, let men be MEN.
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