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Every Big Bang Theory Character Ranked Randomly, We Tried To Watch It, We Just Couldn’t Do It


20. Claire

She’s a bartender described as a woman “unafraid to speak her mind.” She’s not in many episodes. Go figure.

19. Alex Jensen

We are basing everything we saw on the smile we’re going to go ahead and guess this character is undervalued but takes it in stride? Checking wiki… yeah pretty much nailed it!

18. Lucy

Oh isn’t she Kate Micucci from Garfunkle and Oats? They’re fun. What have they got her doing here, playing some schlub’s unlikely love interest like they did with her on “Scrubs?” Checking wiki… wow, we’re good at this!

17. Dr. Raj Koothrappali

Raj is Indian, and boy does this show know it! From what we’ve seen despite being one of the main characters, it’s about all the show knows about him and all it feels it needs to know. We’re certainly not going to write any more about him without a check from Chuck Lorre.

16. Zack Johnson

Someone’s boyfriend? Or like, ex-boyfriend? Mom, we gave it a shot and the show isn’t for us, okay, stop bringing it up. We promise to call you more often if you promise to stop sending us DVDs of the show.

15. Priya Koothrappali

There are 4 non-white characters on this list and they are all related. “Family Matters” was a more accurate and progressive portrayal of nerd culture.

14. Dr. Leonard Hofstadter

Leonard, whose IQ is 173 because we still go by that, is considered the “straight man” of the series, which is odd because I think all the characters are straight.

“Hey Chuck, those ’90s-era gay jokes don’t really fly anymore!”

“No gay characters, got it.”

13. Bert Kibbler

Oh shit, what’s up Brian Posehn? Making a little of that prime-time money huh?  That’s what’s up dude. Brian PoPAID, amiright? Keep hustlin dawg.

12. Mike Rostenkowski

Mike is someone’s gruff conservative dad who’s pretty dismissive of all this comic book nonsense. Not even gonna check the wiki, look at him, remember how lazy this show is, we have to be right.

11. Alfred Hofstadter

Judd Hirsch? HE needs money? Man, the industry really is fucked. Did he audition for this? We hope this was so he could just collect a paycheck and move on.

10. Dr. Sheldon Cooper

Oh hey, it’s him. Yeah, this guy. Mom loooooves this guy. There’s something straight up wrong about this performance. It’s like… autism-face? Is that a thing? It should be.

9. Dr. Leslie Winkle

Just gonna let the wiki do all the talking here: “Leslie made her last appearance as a semi-regular character in ‘The Lunar Excitation’ when she rejected Leonard’s offer for casual sex.” Big mistake, female character!

8. Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler

Yeah, Blossom is on this show. Imagine starring in “Blossom” and then saying to yourself “Okay, that was all well and good, but next time round I’m doing it for the money!”

7. Wil Wheaton


6. Howard Wolowitz

He’s like, smart by normal people’s standards, but like, dumb compared to other nerds? We’re guessing? From the photo?” Let’s check our math on the wiki: “Among the four main male characters in the show, Howard is distinctive for being an engineer—rather than a physicist—and lacking a PhD.” I swear to fucking Christ I’m not cheating.

5. Mrs. Rostenkowski

Of all the “someone’s mom” types on this show, she’s the most “someone’s mom” looking. That and a completely random selection process will get you in the top 5!

4. Arthur Jeffries/Professor Proton

Bob Newhart is in this thing? Jesus, talk about a waste of remaining years.

3. Stuart Bloom

He’s the comic shop owner, as indicated by his open plaid shirt under a casual jacket. IQ 100. If you are looking for him in a funny role you can always go watch the “Wet Hot American Summer” movie.

2. Barry Kripke

Hey, it’s John Ross Bowie! He’s a punk! He just wrote a memoir, go check it out! We assume his character deserves to come in second place based on nothing else.

1. Dr. Emily Sweeney

Seriously, Mom, just drop it. We tried our best. It turns out we don’t have the same comedic sensibilities. Remember when you grounded me from watching “The Simpsons” when I was a kid? That was messed up.

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