29. Feist “Graveyard”
A song about bringing an entire graveyard back to life, this one definitely has me looking to pop a squat underneath a creaky old tree. Everyone knows you can run from zombies a little bit faster with freshly evacuated bowels.
28. Earth Dad “Carl’s First Halloween”
I mean if it’s his first Halloween ever, Carl’s going to be crapping his pants. I suffer from a condition where if I see someone crap their pants it makes me kinda need to do it. It’s called vomit butt, you can look it up.
27. Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Heads Will Roll”
If I was dancing myself to death, I definitely wouldn’t be able to make it to the bathroom in time. Absolutely shitting myself on the dancefloor to this one.
26. Chloe Doucet “Satan Loves You”
Satan loves you and all that is unholy in your body. Knowing that the dark lord’s love is truly unconditional, I’m 100% letting it rip after listening to this one.
25. A Great Big Pile of Leaves “Vampires in Love”
Basically a song about eating a shit ton of spaghetti with your lover. All-you-can-eat pasta is definitely a recipe for an all-night trip to the bathroom. They don’t turn a profit by using high-grade san-marino tomatoes.
24. Juniore “Le Cannibale”
Cannibals are terrifying enough but you’re telling me they’re french?? This one scares me so much there’s no way in hell I’ll have time to get to la toilette. Nope, this fresh hot baguette is going right in my pants.
23. Broken Down Golf Cart “Haunted”
A tune about a wayward spirit, this song reminds me of wandering around for a bathroom like a ghost looking for the afterlife. Worst music festival ever.
22. Sugar Candy Mountain “666”
Sonically more a treat than a trick, Sugar Candy Mountain’s Southern Gothic “666” scares me less than it flat-out hypnotizes me. Of course, we all know what can happen when you’re too relaxed…
21. Louie Zong “Ghost Choir”
You’re telling me that there’s not just a barbershop quartet but a ghost CHOIR?? This song makes me want to run far away…right after I stop home and change.