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50 Halloween Movies the Whole Family Can Enjoy Before You Murder Them With an Axe

20. “Coco” (2017)

I’m all about exposing my family to different cultures. It may seem a little pointless this late in the game, but if there is a heaven I bet they really celebrate diversity there.

19. “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” (1982)

E.T. phone… the police? Nah. I cut the landline and fired up the cell blocker so tonight should go off without a hitch.

18.“The Worst Witch” (1986) `

Everyone celebrates Harry Potter for its fun witch-school premise, but “The Worst Witch” got there first. As of now the kids only know this one from the popular Tim Curry meme. They also think my real name is Tim Hodgeman. Tonight will be enlightening for them on many levels.

17. “Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island” (1998)

Surprisingly scary for a Scooby Doo movie! Not as scary as your step-dad going sick-house with an axe on Halloween night, but pretty scary!

16. “Little Monsters” (1989)

Let’s treat the kids to a demonstration of how practical effects and makeup are superior to modern CGI one last time.

15. “The Little Vampire” (2000)

It’s sort of like “Let The Right One In” for kids. Of course, the Sheffields done let the wrong one in, haven’t they? And it will cost them dearly.

14. “Ghostbusters” (1988)

“Who ya gonna call?” Nobody. I cut the landline, I’m blocking the cell signal, and I’ve secured all the exits. They are all going to die tonight.

13. “Hotel Transylvania” (2012)

Forget “Hubi Halloween” the Hotel Transylvania movies are the most entertaining comedies Sandler has been a part of since the ‘90s, and they’re thematically perfect for tonight. I want the kids to know that just because your dad is Dracula or a deranged axe murderer, it doesn’t me he doesn’t love you in his own way.

12. “Spirited Away” (2001)

The Studio Ghibli stuff is getting really big with the youth culture right now, and while it was never really my thing, I don’t want the kids to die out of touch.

11. Return to Oz (1985)

Sure the original Wizard of Oz has the Wicked Witch, but this late sequel makes for a way better Halloween watch. It’s wall-to-wall nightmare fuel, taking characters and elements you’re familiar with and distorting them into some of the most unsettling imagery you’ve ever witnessed. What better precursor to me, a man they trust and have come to look on at as a father figure, dismembering each of them with the fall of my blade?

10. Beetlejuice (1988)

The third Tim Burton movie to make our list and in my personal opinion the best. The kids may not agree with me because it’s too “old” for them, but that’s just going to make my brutal murder of them all the more sweet.

9. Monster Squad (1987)

This movie is the reason I wear a cup to all of my Halloween Night family murders. Some little punk pulled a wolfman nards kick on me back in 2008, never again.

8. “Labyrinth” (1986)

I can’t let a whole family shuffle off this mortal coil without knowing that David Bowie wore a weird giant codpiece in a kid’s movie!

7. “Ernest Scared Stupid” (1991)

Fun fact: the special effects department from this movie is the same team that did “Killer Klowns From Outer Space,” and they even use the Killer Klown puppets in this movie! After watching “Earnest Scared Stupid” and ritualistically slaughtering your family, throw on “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” for a fun double feature night!

6. “Coraline” (2009)

This impressive stop-motion film starts out all cute and innocent but it takes a surprisingly sinister turn towards the end. Not unlike a certain guy standing behind the couch with an axe grinning ear to ear I know.

5. “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory” (1971)

Yes, it counts as a Halloween movie, and frankly a great one, for two reasons. One, it’s about candy! Two, Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka is the most heartless and sadistic murderer of children since, uh, well, me, I guess.

4. Gremlins (1984)

Did somebody feed me after midnight? Because I, a once adorable and safe addition to their family unit, am about to rip the Sheffields to shreds.

3. “The Addams Family” (1991)

I actually just watched this with the family I’ve secretly been courting for next year’s blood bath but I would gladly watch it again right now. What a treat.

2. “Young Frankenstein” (1974)

This one never gets old. Here’s a fun tip, throw on “Son of Frankenstein” which this movie is a direct parody of, then watch “Young Frankenstein,” and then cave to your darkest compulsions and murder your family with an axe.

1. “Poltergeist” (1982)

Possibly the greatest PG horror movie of all time. Watching “Poltergeist” for the first time is a rite of passage. I’m proud to give the kids one more of those before, well, you know.

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