In our never-ending quest to uplift and heal ourselves, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the different types of self-care that exist: from drinking charcoal, to bathing in infrared light, to brushing your teeth with infrared charcoal, the options are nearly limitless!
The ideal self-care routine should be all-encompassing, beneficial, and affordable. That’s why rioting is the next big thing for those seeking higher levels of well-being. Boss making you work through the weekend again? Take out that resentment on a storefront window! Ghosted by another Tinder date? Instead of flipping out, flip over a cop car!
Chances are, you’ve already heard of riots. They’re all over the news and your Facebook feed (unless you’re on a digital detox right now, in which case, yaaaas, get it!), but the reasons why might surprise you.
First of all, rioting is surprisingly cheap. Participating in a riot costs nothing up front- not even an email address or trial subscription. Talk about an inclusivity win! And the real riot gurus out there know all the best hacks like keeping your face covered (also key for wrinkle-prevention, ladies!), only shoplifting what you can easily carry, avoiding cops, and most importantly not understanding the systemic issues that have led to a society constantly on the brink of civil unrest so you don’t have to bear the emotional and economic weight of the riot afterwards. Fun!
That brings us to the next big benefit of rioting: cardio! Running is great for your heart and your metabolism, especially in short bursts. Riots often start small, then escalate spontaneously so the excitement is half the fun. The other half is the great endorphin rush and dose of daily exercise you’ll get while running from the police. Make sure to download plenty of podcasts or music to fit your mood. The Hard Times recommends Chapo Trap House, Against Me!, and Kesha (because there’s never a bad time for Kesha).
The improvisational aspect of rioting does wonders for your brain. When making a Molotov cocktail, for example, you’ll get a chance to express your creative side: mix and match any flammable liquid– think perfume, vodka, or fuel– with your bottle and wick of choice. Plus, your skin will look fab af when bathed in the natural light of a flaming bottle. Bonus points for decluttering your purse and closet to assemble the ingredients!
Now, you’re probably wondering how to get to a riot ASAP. Much like your favorite vegan pop-up, checking locations and tags on Instagram can be a great way to discover nearby riots that are already in progress. But if you can’t find one, make one! Find a nearby social injustice being committed (very easy to find), whip up nearby pedestrians into a frenzy, and riot away!