Press "Enter" to skip to content

We Tried to Report on the Opioid Epidemic but Our Perc Guy Got Busted. Do You Know Anybody?

The opioid epidemic is tearing America’s communities apart and here at Hard Style we are not afraid of delving into the opioid underworld to get the real answers to the questions mainstream media is too afraid to ask. That being said, the guy we usually buy our percocets from got raided by the police last week and we can’t get the answers, or drugs, we’re looking for.

Now before you get all self-righteous and say we are contributing to the problem, let me ask you this: Do you know a guy? We really want to get to the bottom of this issue and expose the seedy underbelly of the narcotics trade. So, really, no one? Not even a friend of a friend? I’m not a cop if that’s what you think. What about when your dad hurt his back? Does he have any Vicodin left over? You know, so I can ask him questions.

Seriously though, I fell off my skateboard and just need some Oxy to tide me over until I feel better. I’d go to the doctor but I can’t afford it. The American healthcare system is a joke, am I right? But that is an investigative story for another time. Right now I just really need you to give me the name of a supplier… for this story! Quit holding out on me, man. I NEED this story.

Related: I’ve Been Experimenting With Drugs and It Turns out They Work

 

The second part of the article would be about the scourge that is heroin. A lot of people switch to heroin because it is cheaper and easier to come by than pills. So, do you know anyone who has some who I can talk to for a quick sec. I would never do heroin by the way. It’s highly addictive and ruins lives. That’s why I’d only do it once. Twice tops. Three times if my guy doesn’t make parole. Because one thing I AM addicted to is investigative journalism. So see, it’s cool, I’m not a junkie, I can handle it.

Oh shit, maybe for the third part of the story I check myself into a methadone clinic. You know, undercover- just to see how those places really tick. I’ll act like I am going through withdrawal and that I let my life disintegrate to such a point where I’m fired from a freelancing gig at a shitty blog who can’t even hook me up with a reliable perc guy.

Want to support Hard Times? Buy a shirt. We’ll use the money to write more articles.