NEW YORK — Democratic Presidential hopeful Andrew Yang defended himself this morning when a small, highly opinionated faction of citizens were offended by recently surfaced photos of Yang dressed in “Punkface” as a young man.
“Being punk is more than just throwing on some eyeliner, wearing a Dead Kennedys shirt, and doing that ‘rocker’ hand gesture,” said longtime punk John “Nails” Judnall. “We in the underground music scene have stood by for too long as Hollywood uses ‘normie’ actors to portray us — these people know nothing about drinking so much you think you threw up your vital organs, or giving cops the finger behind their backs. The punks of America demand an apology from Mr. Yang.”
The Yang campaign responded immediately to the faux outrage.
“While we want to be sensitive towards any marginalized citizens, that does not include punks by any stretch of the imagination: if a punk feels discriminated against, they are more than welcome to go take a shower and put on some sensible clothing, and poof — the discrimination will end,” said spokesperson Randy Jones. “We’ve received about a half-dozen emails equating Mr. Yang’s one-time Halloween costume with wearing blackface. I would like to say to those people right now: you are dumb. Please stop emailing us — we won’t apologize, partially because you probably aren’t even registered to vote anyway.”
Social activist groups across the country supported Yang’s non-apologetic stance.
“When I first heard the term ‘Punkface,’ I spit out my coffee. When someone dresses up as a punk, does that reenforce century-old stereotypes so white Americans can have a cheap laugh? Were punks ever denied housing or work based on the band shirt they were wearing? I didn’t think so,” said Mary Anne Porter, head of The Diversity Network, a non-profit seeking to advance racial equality. “And I’m sure these punks are exactly the type whose head would explode if you suggested that Death was one of the first punk bands ever.”
At press time, Forbes was laying low after a series of Instagram photos surfaced of him with a giant mohawk and captions reading, “Hanging with my tribe” and “Beer is my spirit animal.”