CHICAGO — Local woman Jenna Morris was thrilled to discover that her Spotify Wrapped did not contain any traces of Bo Burnham’s “Inside” this year and immediately wanted to share the information with her therapist, sources confirmed.
“I’m so relieved,” Jenna said. “It’s been a really tough few years, and my therapist is going to flip her lid when I show her that ‘Inside’ didn’t even crack my Spotify Top 5! Bo Burnham has been my top artist and top-played songs for three years running, and it hasn’t even been close. But it seems like all the long hours I’ve spent talking through my last breakup, childhood trauma, the agony of capitalism, the state of American politics, and the inevitable end of our planet due to climate change really did the trick!”
However, after a brief review of Morris’ Spotify Wrapped, her therapist still had some concerns.
“It’s great that she’s moved on from listening to Burnham sing ‘That Funny Feeling’ 9 times in a row while she’s trying to go to sleep, but seeing ‘Summertime Sadness’ as her top song really isn’t inspiring confidence,” mused Jenna’s therapist, Dr. Beverley Kind. “Her top 5 artists are Lana Del Ray, boygenius, Joy Division, Bright Eyes, and The National. It’s nice to see some change, but I think we still have a lot of work to do. I’m canceling the rest of my sessions this afternoon just to focus on Jenna.”
A representative from Spotify noted that starting this year, users listening to over 100 hours of Joy Division, Radiohead, or any band featuring Phoebe Bridgers will receive a discount code for 10% off BetterHelp at the end of their Spotify Wrapped.
“It’s really important to us to keep our users healthy, happy, and listening to hours and hours of their favorite music,” the rep stated. “That’s why we’ve started this partnership with BetterHelp — to identify Spotify listeners who think they’re absolutely fine but are actually in the midst of a never-ending existential crisis. We’re excited to connect them with therapists who can help them transition to something a little more upbeat, positive, and inspiring. Also, any user who skips over the discount code in their app will receive an additional push notification, text, email, and we will call their parents.”
At press time, Morris was seen listening to The Smiths while staring wistfully out the window.